THE SEVENTH DIAMOND

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Sadness...Despair...Determination...A Chat with my Agency


I had a bad today. This may go into a rant, so be forwarned. I am doing a little self-healing with this post.
For starters, I'm not quiet, passive or particularly patient. I'm not afraid of confrontation if it's necessary and I'm not afraid to speak my mind.
As many of you know, I and some other great women here in blogland are with an agency that will not allow us to see their special needs list until we are through the review room. This revelation was made after we had already committed to them for many months. We were informed that if we leave, we lose our money and will have to re-do our entire dossier. Let's just say that there were some tears and frustration that day.
Still...we waited.
Thank you to those of you who are aware of this and always try to keep me updated regarding who has been notified that they are through the review room and what their LID is, I appreciate this more than you know.
I am aware that many with November 06 LID's and some with December 06 LID's are through the review room and some January 07 families are getting questions from the review room.
So...being that I have a February 07 LID, imagine my happiness at knowing that next month or the month after, our file should be in the review room...the key to accessing the list.
Well, today my agency informed me that they have no idea how these other agency's could be confirming November and December LID's because the portal that they look at only shows that October 06 has made it through the review room.
UNBELIEVABLE
I sent my SW an e-mail listing several agencies and the LID's that they had confirmed and one agency who stated on their website that their November LID families are through the review room.
Their response again was that they did not know how these agencies were getting this information. Now, to me that is completely depressing. My agency will only confirm information that I know is over 2 months old and doesn't know how to access updated information or won't acknowledge that they have updated information.
I realize that I am on a journey here, but I wasn't thinking that my biggest obstacle would be my adoption agency. How can it be that I am so much better informed than them?
How can they put a policy in place that holds people hostage by the review room and then not put every effort in place to be able to supply them with accurate notification when they reach that goal?
I told my SW that I am very disappointed at their inability to provide updated information and that I am even more disappointed by their admitting that they don't know where other agencies are getting their updates. Hmmm....maybe you should call one of them and find out so you can stop devastating the families who depend on you. Let's just say that I spoke my mind and I didn't put any sugar on it.

I tell you, today I am just over it. I cried. This is insane to me. There are so many people in my yahoo LID group who have their referrals or who already have their children home. Where is my baby? Why can't I get to her? Today I am at the bottom...the very bottom.

41 comments:

Isabella's Mommy & Daddy(Kim & John) said...

I am sooo sorry girly..
I feel your pain.. we can not even get on the SN lists.. our agency won't let us.. and they don't get info. either..
Wish I would have known what I know now..
HUGS TO YOU...

Nancy said...

Sweet girly...I know how you feel, and am sorry that you are being jerked around by your agency.
I wish I could do something to help. Just let me know if you need anything.

((HUGS))

Rachael said...

So sorry you're having such a tough time right now. I'm not as in tune with the China process, but it does seem to me like your agency is holding you captive just a bit, and rather ufairly and unfeelingly. Hopefully, speaking you mind is not going unheard.

Hang in there.

Gail said...

Kimberley, I'm so sorry that this is happening. I know that my agency's China facilitator speaks with CCAA and that's how they know that we (my month of Nov) are out. I do NOT understand why this is being done this way. It's like each agency has their own policy. I have "heard" through my yahoo group that all of Nov and Dec. is going to be updated on the main CCAA site soon.
Sending a hug friend...

Patricia/NYC said...

Oh Kimberely, I am soooo sorry you have to go through this...it really stinks! I wish I could do or say something that will make you feel better, but know that you are in my prayers & I'm sending out great BIG {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}} to you!!
Hang in there!!

Gail said...

Also wanted to add that you have every right to vent about this, what is the deal with your agency? I'd be mad, REALLY mad.
Thinking of you Kim...

Ashley said...

Praying sweet blessings on you today, bloggin' friend!

Jewels of My Heart said...

I am so sorry Kimberly...... sometimes I think some of the agencies loose site of what it is all really about..... I am praying for you....
I promise that even though your agency doesn't seem to know who your daughter is or when she will be in your arms.... Jesus does....
God's Speed,
Daleea

nikki said...

Oh sweetheart, I am so sorry to hear this.
I, unfortunately, don't have any words or information to make this any easier on you...but you are not on this journey alone. I'll say some extra prayers for you, and my other friends who are feeling down about this crazy journey right now.
Go ahead and have a good cry...it's theraputic.
Love you! (and there IS a little one out there who will call you "momma" someday...she'll be worth all of this. promise.)

Leigh Ann said...

That is unbelievable and good for you for being strong and asking your agency the hard questions...what a role model you will be for your daughter!

Hoping good news is on the way for you all.

Love your front garden...

Leigh Ann said...

BTY...would like to make a small donation...how do I do that? You can email me at wratherp@hotmail.com

Mob said...

The squeaky wheel gets the oil, so just squeak away sista! Let your voice be heard, that is the only way they will do something...and then turn to God and He will comfort you like no other.
We all love you out here in blogger land.

Michelle said...

Kimberley,
I am sooo sorry that you had a rough day! You have every right to cry...I know I would be if my agency was acting in this manner! Why in the world they have such a policy in place is beyond me. It makes absolutely no sense. As soon as someone submits an LOI for a waiting child, the CCAA pulls their dossier and places it immediately into the review room.
Anyway, I just wanted to say I am sorry and you are right, it does not seem right that your agency(who you pay) is the one standing in your way.
I am sure all will work out exactly as He has planned, but that doesn't make the journey easy or without pain. Hang in there!!

mom 2 many said...

WOW! That is soooo frustrating! I am sorry you are having so many issues with your agency! They should be your support, not your frustration!!

Hang in there!!!

Laura Nipper said...

I am so sorry that you are having to go through this long wait. None of it makes since. Its seems there are so many babies that need a for ever home, yet so many wait. I will be praying for you your sweet baby girl. Love and hugs to you.

FHL said...

Sending a big hug!

Dolores and Shawn said...

Trust me I get it! We've been waiting for months to find out if we're out of the review room and still nothing. Other people with December LID's have been told they're out but ours tells us nothing. How is it then that some agencies seem to have an inside track and others have the general information. It's really annoying.

~Amy~ said...

I'm praying for you...every step of the way...

Love you friend...

that girl said...

oh, my girl. I am sooo surprised and sorry and heartsick about this news. I know you are open to special neeeds -- will that change anything for you?? Back in the day I had a referral 90 days after LID for our SN kids. I know EVERYTHING has changed since then.

Would you like to babysit two Chinese toddlers who are addicted to Nick Jr? They are painfully available...

Seriously, you are the LAST person I want to go through this. You have paid your dues, with change to spare.

In prayer mode for you. Hugs.

Michelle said...

I am so sorry. I'll pray that your agency gets on the ball and that you get through the review room quickly so you can bring your little girl home.

Mark, Rebecca and Sophia said...

Yuck. So sorry. Adoption is such an insane ride. Sounds like deserve to be frustrated.

Amy said...

I'm so sorry! Some agencies are just very very conservative in their reporting. If you get a referral they will not wait 2 months to tell you. It could be any day, but they will not tell you until it is absolute! I think they think they are being kind...not getting your hopes up. They are killing hope. We need hope! I'm thinking you will know by September. You'll have a face in September. I'm a little prophetic...I hope this is a word for you!

Ava's family said...

I'm so sorry that you're hurting. I hope they speed things up in the review room and you can FINALLY get to see the SN list. We tried once to get a baby girl that we fell in love with on our agency list....100 other families were trying for the same little girl. My heart just couldn't take even trying again. It's so frustrating. ((Hugs))to you.

verna said...

Oh sweet Kim, my heart aches for you and all the people waiting and waiting. The whole process is just insane. I wish there was something I could do to help out. We looked at other avenues too while waiting but it is such a stuck feeling. I will pray the Lord gives you peace again and that China updates that portal soon. Hugs to you.

Much Ado said...

Oh Kimberley, I am so sorry for all this pain and frustrations. I just wanted to pop by and let you know that RQ has reported that November and December are now out of review (at least that is what a few agencies are saying, that the "internal" box has been updated). I thought you would want to know....I know you are counting the days. We're all counting along with you.

Kelley said...

I am sorry that today is a hard day. Just always remember that God knows where your baby is, and God knows WHEN your baby is, and no amount of kicking and crying and fussing (all things that I've been known to do unfortunately quite often) is going to change how He is going to make His plan for you happen when He is good and ready to. It's so hard sometimes, because we aren't "in the know." But hang in there! I truly believe if you can't see the list of SN kids right now, it's because Sophia isn't there anyway. If she is there, then you'll be able to find her when the time is right.

You've been so patient for so long, I wish I could do something to make it better and help things speed up for you! Just hang in there...

Truly Blessed said...

Oh dear friend. I know.

I don't think personnel at the agencies know just how invested our hearts are in this process -- hard to fathom, but I really believe it.

I've had a week like yours with my agency too.

I just want my baby home...CC*AA "box" has been changed to out of review: November-December 31, 2006 "

Maybe your agency should look up RQ!

jennifer said...

I am so sorry. This whole situation stinks. The waiting, the agency, all of it. I do know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, though. Hang in there. God knows who your daughter is, and where she is. You'll get to her.

Truly Blessed said...

I meant to say that RQ has reported that the CC*AA box had been changed...

Carol said...

That is crap! Our agency just had a family go to China that wasn't even LID when they picked their child!!!! It took over a year to get the paperwork done and into China...they had the referral for 11 months!!!!

What is the reason why you can't start looking at the lists???

I'd definetly SHARE this information with new adopting parents!!!!

K1 said...

Hugs to you Kimberley.

and prayers

Juliette said...

Dear Kimberley,
I am so sorry for you. Sending you big hugs your way. I hope you had a better day today and I know you'll be bouncing back and keeping the faith.

FYI, our Canadian agency says November 30th 2006 on their website.

Heather said...

Oh Kimberley - my heart broke with this post. I had no idea this is what is going on for you and I am so sorry you have to go through this.

I can confirm for you that our agency just updated to say that CCAA has completed review through Jan 6, 2007 - I will check and make sure what else they said...I'll have to get back to you later - leaving for work.

But I couldn't go without wishing you well, letting you know I am sending big hugs!!

Love,
Heather

Waiting for Mia Hope! said...

Kimberley,

I hope today is a brighter day for you! Stand firm with your agency because they are behind on their information no doubt. And...I have to second every word that Kelley said!!! Sophia may just not be ready right now. Give it to God and when Sophia is ready...even if its in another country...the good Lord will guide you to your daughter thru anything!!! He does NOT forsake us!!!

Beckyb said...

I know I am just another commenter, but I want you to know that I TRULY understand - to be very honest - and I know we are with the same agency - I do wonder why we went with them again. I didn't even get the COP list from our sw - I had to get it from Stef - our sw hasn't said a word and I specifically asked her to send it to us. VERY FRUSTRATING- and yes, I have TWO friends home with babies that started AFTER we did. Hang in there and know you are not alone - we can't change agencies at this point either. I guess we just have to trust.

GWEN OATSVALL said...

i am so sorry for your frustration, and totally think you have every right to be upset ... i got an email today from agency stating they are through the review room for dec 06 ... my agency is big and never gives out infor. that isn't true ... i do have a problem w/ SW who treat families like we are buying a car that isn't ready ... these are our daughters and some days we need to check in as their mother's ... it helps our heart and the SW should do a better job at understanding our hearts ... sorry, i think i just ranted some and my daughter is home, but i do not want all my waiting friends to be treated this way ... i love ya girl and know i got your back in the fight ... i don't mind a little mama bear action when it comes to my babies !!!!

Heather said...

Kimberly,
As promised, i re-checked and our agency told us that "all dossiers through Dec 31, 2006 have been successfully reviewed and all dossiers through jan 9, 2006 have been given referrals.

We had finalization on Wednesday (what a blessed day) and when we spoke with our SW, she is very confident that some sort of increase will take place soon, given the low, low numbers of days for referrals at this point. She has been doing this a looooong time and said she has seen it before and according to our wonderful China liason, insists we will see it again. Not trying to foster false hope, just telling you what they have relayed to us and I trust our agency implicitly, if they have been nothing else(which they have been great to our family) they have been honest about wait times and the state of IA.

Thinking of you and off to count my coins in my piggy so I can go out bid you on Meredith's outfit!!!

Love to you girl,
Heather

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Oh yeah... I feel your pain... it will be a long road... my rep for my agency fully believes it is still going to go slow before speeding up... when we first meet me, she told me that there were going to be 'speedhumps' along the way... I think you are at one of many speedhumps... but don't let it get you down... you will get over that speedhump and will be fine... you know where I am if you need a shoulder...

Steffie B. said...

hang in there.....Dec is through....THANK GOODNESS....and hopefully by July it will be updated again..... ;) call me again anytime.....Hugs

Dawn said...

Sending a ((BIG HUG)) your way!!

Kudo said...

Wow I can't believe that your agency is making up there own rules. I'm with CCAI and on the WCP also. People only need to be LID not through review to get a match on the WCP. Families with MCC in line put them on hold and then they get to go back in line when they get LID. Who does your agency think they are bigger then the CCAA. I don't think so. You need to continue giving them hell for twisting the CCAA's rules. I am appalled