Friday, May 09, 2008

I am a Non-Mom....A Furious Non-Mom

*It has come to my attention that NBC is being bombarded with e-mail and calls about this and has changed the category title to adopting moms.

*The public apology below:

Teleflora is immediately changing the name of our "Non-Mom" category to "Adopting Moms". After closer examination, we can see how this may have been offensive to moms who have adopted children -- moms who are indeed real moms to their children in every sense of the word. In fact, many of us at Teleflora are “adopting” parents ourselves, including our president and owner. The essence of this category still focuses on a grandparent, neighbor, step mom, or mom to adopted or foster children, each one raising and loving a child. This show of insensitivity on our part was in no way intended and we deeply apologize for any concern or distress we may have caused. It was always our intent to salute and celebrate all moms.

First of all, thank you Rhonda for bringing this to my attention.

I cannot believe that in this day and age, something like this would be put into print and actually viewed as something appropriate that celebrated motherhood. To me, this is my greatest fear as an adopting Mom. The fear that people will make my daughter feel like she isn't mine. I am too strong to let them make me feel like I am not her Mom. But that's what this says here in black and white. That an adoptive mother is the same as a grandparent or step-parent....a non-mom. That I am the glorious mom of my bio sons, but will only be a non-mom to my daughter. How crushing.

This is going to be featured on the Today show. Click on the link here and scroll down.

The non-mom mom: Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.

Vote May 8th

Bernice BurchSanford, FL Thrust into role of mother when she was 12, she raised her siblings, 4 children and other needy kids and earned her high school diploma at 50.

Jennifer KellerHome, KS She was an adopted child who is now mom to her own daughter, plus six adopted children who started life as "meth babies".

Nora LeonCasper, WY She's a "mom to many", as she runs an orphanage for many poor children in Haiti, kids who literally owe her their lives.

Every time I read this, I get more angry. Please join me in sending an e-mail to NBC.

Below is the e-mail I have sent:

Dear NBC,

Let me express to you how completely offended I am to find that according to your standards, I will be considered a non mom to my daughter who I am adopting from China. I guess I should be very grateful that I have three biological children, so that I can win the title of a real Mom from all of you at NBC.

The adoption community is quite large and your little contest here has offended thousands of people. News is spreading like wildfire through the internet. I cannot believe how careless you have been with this.

Adoptive parents are real parents. Adoptive moms are real moms.

I am a biological mother of 3, a step mother of 1, a Godmother of 2 and I will be the adoptive mother of 1 very soon.

Even if I was only an adoptive mother of 1, I would still be a real mom. I will be her real mom.

Kimberley (I am omiting my last name on-line)
Real Mom
Michigan, USA

The non mom mom: Grandparent, stepmom, or mom to adopted children, each one raising and loving a child. A priceless gift for everybody.


Truly Blessed said...

Yeah, I'm a furious "non-mom", too, and sad that only three of my five kids are "real kids" -- the other two are, apparently "non kids".

Trust me, I wrote emails to every one of the sponsoring companies today (like about 1/2 a million other people, too).

The thing that makes me craziest is that NONE of the moms who were nominated apparently said anything or, if they did, they continued to let themselves be nominated instead of bowing out of the "competition". And Marie Osmond, adoptive "non-mom" herself is the host of the TV special!

One of the nominated non-moms has one of her own children plus six adopted others -- what a slap in the face to six of her children!

Yeah, I'm a furious "non-mom" too.

Rhonda said...

You already know my opinion on this...ugh.

Kelley said...

People can truly be insensitive idiots sometimes. I'm amazed at the the ignorance people have, and I'm glad that there are folks out there fighting the fight to change people's misconceptions. I like the way it's worded in the book "Little Miss Spider:" mom is the creature who loves you the best!

that girl said...

I think it just shows that we have to keep educating people and approach it as a learning curve. I have two kids from China, and the education never ends -- from checkers at the grocery store, to pediatricians, to people on the street. We're all engrossed in the adoption community, and it's extra offensive to us... but I may have been that ignorant if I had never adopted.

I am proud of you for the letter writing etc. Awareness is the key!

Gotta go make dinner for my non-kids...

Ava's family said...

So glad to see they changed it! Man, when this community wants to get something done....They get it DONE!! That had me all ticked off this morning when I saw it!

Truly Blessed said...

Yep, it's changed now to "The Adopting Mom' -- I still think they need to make a very PUBLIC apology...and top it off with HUGE donation to an adoption related charity!

OH MY #6 said...

How disgusting.


Gail said...

I hate this stuff...makes me wild and crazy. There are so many ignorant people out there. I have had some doozy comments made to me about this subject...I always take a deep breath first and then educate them. Politely but firmly.

Heather said...

I am still shaking my head, saying "HUH?" In this day and age, are they going to try to say they didn't think that would offend anyone???? Are they kidding?

Had one of those weeks where numbers of people said inappropriate things about Hannah when we were out and about, this is just the icing on the cake.

Your 100% full-fledged all together completely real MOM friend

Rachael said...

Even the apology is offensive.

And not just to me as both a "mom" and a "non-mom" (apparently) but what about my daughter? Is she a non-daughter too?

So short-sighted and just idiotic. I can't believe their president has adopted children and they still don't get it.

Laura Nipper said...

Good for you Kimberly for writing a letter on this issue. Cant believe that NBC would say something like that. Just plain awful.

Paula said...

Boy, what a blunder they made. Great letter you wrote.
I agree, it just burns me up when people say to me "where is her real mom?" I just say very nicely she's standing right in front of you.

Dolores and Shawn said...

It's so upsetting that people still insist on making these distinctions. How I wish people would see all families as just families, no distinctions what so ever.

Alyson & Ford said...

I agree, the apology was offensive too.
Thank you for sending the email. I just sent my own too. Not sure why I didn't do it sooner, but reading yours (since you publicly posted it) inspired me to get off the stick. Thanks!

Alyson LID 01/27/06

Jewels of My Heart said...

Kimberly, I just found out about this last night and it both infuriated me and broke my heart...
There are not words to express the depth of sorrow and anger that this mentality causes me.... It hurts me for my children. One of my greatest fears in life is that my precious children will not KNOW how incredable, special, cherished, loved, precious, miraculous they are because of ignorance just like this. SHAME ON THEM! I CANNOT BELIEVE THE IGNORANCE OF SOME PEOPLE! How dare they or anyone else imply that our children are not our own or that they are anything less than they are.... Our children, our miracles, our heart, our answer to prayers..... I do not know why Jesus chose for my babies to be born of another woman's womb. I only know that I thank Him for the miracle of bringing them home to me. And I know that they could NOT BE ANY MORE MINE IF I HAD GIVEN BIRTH TO THEM!
I too will be sending them a letter.
God bless our children