Thursday, April 26, 2007

IMPORTANT..This is Something for Us to Be Aware of...Not in Fear Of...

This is for families adopting from China:

I don't know how many of you have seen the blog
'Chinese Adoption Heartbreak..Soul Autopsy'. (Click on the blog name and you will be linked directly to it). If you haven't read it, I highly suggest that you do. It is the account of a woman who recently went to China to bring her daughter home and encountered significant problems.
I truly believe that this case is an exception, but there is some good information in here to be aware of in the event that you arrive in China and find that things are not as they should be.

Here is an exerpt from her first post:


April 16, 2007
Welcome to hell. My Experience with Great Wall China Adoption.
The Trusted Leader of China Adoptions?
Come with me dear Readers on an adventure you will never forget!
It is a summary told by a woman who after 2 failed IVFs, a couple of miscarriages and thousands of dollars lost, threw in the towel on infertility treatment and began to forge the rocky stream called International Adoption.
Yay!
Follow her and her husband as they embark on a once romantic vision of parenthood through supposed philanthropic interests! Laugh at our naivity! Share in the horror as they pour out over $50,000 on their Guatemalan adoption! Share the shock and awe of being stuck in a third world country for over 4 months because of a corrupt Guatemalan adoption attorney! Revel in the joyful reunion of mom, dad, and The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Us when I returned home with her!
But wait! There's more!
A China referral! What, you say? Yes, A CHINA REFERRAL! Even though we cancelled with the agency, the CCAA still processed our dossier and WE GOT A REFERRAL!
What Infertile in their right mind would turn it down?
Then comes....
The most heartwrenching experience of my life... a journey to China, a Gotcha Day —on Christmas no less— and then saying goodbye to our daughter-to-be a couple of weeks later.
Why? She had undisclosed and severe disabilities that made us not capable of parenting her. I wanted to. God, I wanted to. But we couldn't continue with the adoption. And I had to leave her in China.
I think I died inside that day.
Follow me home to the good ol' US of A to visits to the shrink...Xanax to sleep at night! Anti-depressants! Grief Counseling!
YAY!
This tale will not be well told, edited, spellchecked or sweated over. It will probably be rambly, bumpy and full of typos as I stare at the screen listening to the hum of a baby monitor, for a peep or gurgle from The Best Thing. I may not write for days because I just feel to damn crappy about it to even think about it, let alone write about it.
And they'll probably try to sue me over this.
Well, last time I checked, Bush hasn't gotten rid of the First Amendment yet, so I'm safe.
I think.
This is a "down and dirty" write it and weep accounting of our experience of adoption with Great Wall of China Adoption, about how they left me in China to fend for myself after I returned the child, about how they didn't give us another referral of a healthy child, about how they didn't give us a dime back of our money, about how I escaped an attempted robbery in Beijing because I was left alone by the Great Wall staff, about how they never passed on messages from the US Embassy to me after I tried to contact them for assistance, and how I will never, never be the same after this loss.
I have lost embryos. I have lost babies in-utero.
But I never felt that I lost a child until now.


Her experience is very powerful. I would appreciate you leaving a comment on what your feelings are after reading this. Thank you!

15 comments:

Elizabeth said...

Ya I've read her story. It's harrowing. He blog reads like a fast paced Grisham novel, only the part is it's real life. I feel for her and appreciate the information she provides by sharing her gut wrenching experience.

Doris & Dan said...

I have read it all. Unbelievable. Scary but we must face all the apsects of this adoption journey and see the good and bad sides.

I wish her nothing but happiness from here on in.

Keep smilin!

L & J said...

I'm thankful that she provided us with so much information because we will be much more prepared, God forbid something like that happens to one of us.

The agency she speaks of is mine! I can only speak from my experience...they have been wonderful to our family thus far and I have no reason to believe that won't continue. I wish Jen's family much happiness and hope that M finds her forever family. It's such a sad story and I only hope that I don't have to face a tough decision like Jen had.

a&mg said...

I've read the whole story, too, and feel awful for all she's been through. I appreciate that she had the courage to share it all with us so candidly.

It made me so angry to read such judgmental comments on her blog, though. I hope so badly we are never in that situation to have to make a choice like she did, and I don't think anyone can really say what they would do in that situation until they are in it themselves.

cougchick said...

OMG. This is the agency I would use if I could. Have known several people who have used them without problems. How horrible and heart breaking. This is so sad. I am still trying to figure out what we are going to do. I'm hoping my Husband will snap out of it soon....

My prayers are with this family.

Made in China said...

Very very sad.

Dawn and Dale said...

Man!! It seems like I'm reading things like this EVERYWHERE right now!!

Kinda scary!

With the word that the CCAA is going to go to more poorer parts of china to get other orphanges to work with them makes me think this kind of thing is only going to get worse before it gets better. Sooo sad.

kris said...

I've been following this for about 2 weeks. It's devastating, and I'm sure there is so much we don't understand, on both sides of it. Funny though that I didn't go with Great Wall due to the way they treated me when I was offered a singles slot... not worth even posting about. They have always gotten mixed reviews. I'm devastated for this child, though, and though the writer has gotten bashed for leaving her in China, I can only commend her for having the inisght to realize her family wasn't capable of taking this child into their home. I was livid that people thought it was okay to judge her for what she did. They didn't walk a second in her shoes.
I REALLY hope this in some way spurs the whole topic of recognizing psychological disorders/emotional disorders as special needs in China. It is incredibly sad that it is not considered a special need.

I am going to GW East Meets West conference in Dallas next Saturday... no, they are not my agency. Snow Wu is actually speaking. Be curious if this stuff even comes up.

Jewels of My Heart said...

How very, very sad... My heart is so heavy, for this family and for the little baby girl... How heartbreaking. So much definatley seemed amiss. I pray for the family and for the little baby that one day she might have hope again... Jesus, please bless the children... please
I am just so sad...

Janet said...

I have read through all of this, and I found it to be so sad. I feel so bad for what she went through. I hope they will get healing. I also think she's brave, because noone else ever wants to say anything bad, just in case. She has nothing to lose.

Steffie B. said...

I read it...unreal...

LaLa said...

It is such a sad story..for the family and baby M. I cannot imagine having to make a decision like that. The 24 hour harmonious period is hardly enough time to know "all" about your baby. They are usually in a state of shock at least that long. I certainly wouldn't have known what to do and she is very brave for putting her story out there. I think most of the negative comments are from people who want to just look through IA with rose colored glasses and ignore the bad possibilities..hoping that will mean smooth sailing for them. I hope her story at least enlightens some people. I wish nothing but blessings on her family and I hope baby M gets the help she needs.

PromiseKeepersDaughter said...

WOW looks like I'm going to have to put on a pot of coffee and go over to sit a bit and read her story. I can't imagine.
I'll be praying for her.

tracy said...

I will go read it, thanks for the link.

Jill and Jaap said...

I am speechless. I have not read it yet. I will.