THE SEVENTH DIAMOND

Saturday, November 01, 2008

Good Morning Ladies and Welcome to the Saturday Morning Chat Group!

Good Morning Ladies and Welcome to the Saturday Morning Chat Group! November is National Adoption Month, so let's do what we can to promote adoption in our churches and communities. Start or join a support group. I love Amy's First Friday group, maybe we could talk a little bit today about the groups you are a part of or how to start one.

FOR SN WAITING PARENTS, I HAVE SEEN THE SHARED LIST RECENTLY AND IT IS CLOSE TO 90% BOYS. FOR THOSE OF YOU GOING SN, WOULD YOU CONSIDER A BOY? I THINK YOU COULD BE MATCHED FAIRLY QUICKLY.

Also, today is the kick-off of the Seventh Diamond Christmas Project. So, I will share some more information about that with everyone!
To see more about this organization, click here 'Three Angels Christian Relief'.



To learn more about our Christmas Project, click here 'Project Christmas Angel'

This project is being led by Cora at the First Christian Church of Titusville. I had the pleasure of talking with her husband who is definitely a southern gentleman. I don't think I have ever been called Ma'am so many times or talked to with such respect. He said, "God Bless You Ma'am" at least 3 times. I told him about our group and how we are mothers who are waiting for our children or raising our children who come from all over the world. These are very kind people who want to help these children and the project is pretty easy.

We purchase a 2 pound bag of rice and put into the bottom of a shoe box, then we also add a small gift for a child along with a letter or family photo.
We also include $10.00 for shipping, if you send $12.00, they will buy the rice for you and add it to your box so your shipping will be less, just make sure to send a note letting them know this is what you would like done.

We ship the boxes to Cora at the church and they coordinate the shipment to Haiti.

If you would like to participate, please e-mail me at timnkim@gmail.com and I will get the address to you to send your package. They will be sent to Florida. Our goal is 30 boxes.

THE CHATROOM IS NOW CLOSED...HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

116 comments:

amy said...

Good morning sunshine!

amy said...

oh that is beautiful

redmaryjanes said...

Hi there Amy, I'm sorry, I woke up at 8:15am.

redmaryjanes said...

I'm trying to get the blog together for International Adoption Month.

amy said...

I cant believe its been a year since last November..Crazy. How are you?

redmaryjanes said...

I'm hanging in there honey. I wanted to talk to you. Are you guys solid on a girl? I saw the last shared list a week or so ago and it is over 90% boys. I also talked with a girlfriend of mine who is waiting and she was told by our agency that if she wanted an SN boy (especially cleft lip/pallat) that she would be matched by now.
Would you be interested in a boy?

amy said...

Im interested in anything but hubby is set on LynnMarie. What about you? I was orienting a new nurse who adopted both her kids from the hosptial. they were both abandoned and she has some connections to babies who need immediate homes in Ga and Fl so we will see

redmaryjanes said...

I have 3 sons, so I am waiting for my daughter. However, if I had no children yet, I would adopt a boy first.

The hospital babies, you would be perfect for that Amy. You have already been completely approved to adopt.

amy said...

It was a neat thing to pop up. She will put our names out if she hears something..

how are you?

redmaryjanes said...

You never know, Nikki with little Lily was just chosen by a birthmother and will have a baby join their family through adoption in the US.
You should open yourself to whatever could come your way.

redmaryjanes said...

Isn't your group going to Starfish soon?

amy said...

Our group Adoption OPtion (formerly First Fridays) is currently in China now!! Yeah. I believe Starfish is getting a new bathroom

amy said...

where is everyone this morning?

redmaryjanes said...

I haven't talked to Amanda for about a week now, so that is wonderful news. She's been building bathrooms with some group, maybe your group is helping with that. I'm not sure. Maybe they are re-doing her bathroom in the apartment.

I so wish you could have gone with them.

redmaryjanes said...

I'm not sure. Mornings are usually slower until about now. Last week was quite busy, but we had the baby shower for Laura.

amy said...

how was the turnout?

redmaryjanes said...

Pretty good, there were about ten to twelve ladies who came during the shower time and then about 10 more who rsvp'd but couldn't be there so I sent them her info.
I think she should do ok with gifts.

amy said...

that awesome.Lots of people got LOAS this week..

Check out www.myshelbybaby.com and see sweet little Faith

redmaryjanes said...

She had a ton of girl things because of Annslee and she thought they would be adopting second girl and name her Malia. But when Vietnam started to close down their program, they were very luck to be matched and they were matched with a boy, little Coby. So, she needed some boy stuff :)

Special K said...

Good morning everyone!

redmaryjanes said...

Hey Karen,
How are you guys? How's little Micah?

Special K said...

He's now obsessed with candy!

amy said...

Good morning Karen!

amy said...

loved the pics

redmaryjanes said...

Eli still has his Peter Pan costume on, he wouldn't take it off last night. He's so sad that Halloween is done.

Special K said...

Micah had no clue about Halloween, but he warmed up when he learned you get candy.

redmaryjanes said...

Oh, Micah was so cute! Eli left him a comment.

amy said...

sounds precious. Im about to fall aslee bars

redmaryjanes said...

Eli was so happy when he figured out that people were going to give him candy that he started skipping between the houses. It was so cute.

Special K said...

oh, don't fall aslee bars. That sounds dangerous! LOL

redmaryjanes said...

Oh Amy, have you been up all night?

amy said...

I am now falling sleep in front of the computer.

Special K said...

For Eli, Micah was Elmo because someone gave me an Elmo costume to use. I wasn't about to sink money into something that he might melt down and not wear. Oh, I guess that's the explanation for Eli's mommy.

redmaryjanes said...

He looked very cute! Amy girl, you can go to bed now poor thing.

redmaryjanes said...

If it stays this slow, I'll probably close the chat down around 10am today. So you won't miss a lot.

amy said...

I think AUtumn and i are going to nap. Sorry guys.

Special K said...

Nighty, night! Sleep tight!

redmaryjanes said...

Sleep well Amy!

redmaryjanes said...

So Karen, are Micah's surgeries completed now? I know of quite a few families bring home cl/cp babes and I don't really know everything that needs to be done for them.

Polar Bear said...

Good Morning. Just stopping by to say hi!
I hope everyone had a great Halloween.

Kim, I LOVE the header picture.

redmaryjanes said...

Good Morning! I had my husband get the fixings for your puppy chow recipe last night, I think I'll make it today!

Special K said...

Micah is all done with surgeries for a couple of years anyways. Unless his speech doesn't progress and then there a couple of surgeries that could be done. That's why we're working so hard on speech.

Truly Blessed! said...

Good morning all...

I feel like I was run over by a truck last night, and dragged behind it for about 50 miles (DH asked me...seriously! if I'd been drinking last night! BTW, the answer is NO!)

Ugh

Truly Blessed! said...

Who is going to post pictures of their little TorTers today? I love to see the little ones in their costumes.

redmaryjanes said...

Hey Kelly!
Did the girls take you trick or treating at every house withing a 2 mile radius last night?

Monica said...

Good morning everyone...sorry I missed Amy! Sounds like she was utterly exhausted!

redmaryjanes said...

Karen,
That is great news. I thought that there were 3 surgeries.

Special K said...

There are pictures of Micah on our blog.

Polar Bear said...

I forgot to mention on the recipe that I use Crispix cereal. It looks more like the real puppy chow. Sorry.

I've been looking at the Three Angels site. This is so neat. IF - we go for a second child it will be a boy. Right now we requested either so it's not 100% we'll get a girl, but IF we go back it will be for a boy. All the info you've been talking about it good to know.

redmaryjanes said...

Hi there Monica! Amy works nights as a nurse, so she's usually one of the first ones on but gets really tired.

Special K said...

Kimberley, there probably will be three surgeries total. He will have a bone graft for the notch in his gumline when his permanent teeth come in and a revision to his lip and nose at some time in the future.

redmaryjanes said...

I think my hubs got the right cereal. I'm going to make it today. It's chilly here, so I think the kids will really like it.

Are you drinking your tea? I'm so glad to hear from you again.

I was surprised when I saw the list and it was almost exclusively boys and I know people are waiting a long time. So, I'd love to get the word out to go boy if you don't mind if a boy or girl comes home first.

Monica said...

I can understand that (Amy's exhaustion) having worked 12 hour night shifts at a hospital myself for over a decade (before hubby)...didn't do many night-shifts after I married 17 years ago.

Special K said...

I can speak to the joys of adopting a little boy from China. What a amazing experience.

Truly Blessed! said...

The girls had a blast Trick or Treating last night. I pulled them in the wagon so they could have gone on forever! As it was, we hit about 15 houses, but stayed to chat at most of them. Ella was so mesmerized by her candy bucket. She kept pulling candy out, checking it over, then gently putting it back inside (as opposed to her big sister who started eating immediately!).

Fun, fun, fun.

redmaryjanes said...

Kelly,
What were the girls for Halloween?

redmaryjanes said...

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO PARTICIPATE IN THE THREE ANGELS PROJECT, PLEASE LEAVE ME A COMMENT. I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE AN IDEA HOW MANY SHOE BOXES WILL BE COMING FROM OUR GROUP

Polar Bear said...

I am drinking my tea! :) Just like old time - huh?!?!
I can't believe you are still doing this. It's great!

When we first started this process I REALLY wanted a girl first. We thought we would be back with number two by now way back when. Ha! Now it doesn't matter. I just want them home. :)

Truly Blessed! said...

Hey, if anyone is specifically looking for an older boy and is either already LID or is very soon to be LID, the agency we used for Ella's adoption has three young men who are soon to "age out" and my agency will release these boys' files to ANY agency just to find homes for them.

As a mom of three teen sons, I'd highly recommend boys in the family. Love, love, love my boys!

Monica said...

My little one went as a Genie-Cowgirl. I tried to explain to her that the two weren't exactly compatible, but she insisted they were totally compatible. So, she dressed up like a Genie fresh from it's bottle and "rode" a horse!

My son didn't get to Trick or Treating.

Oldest daughter helped out with a church function (Trunk or Treat) for the town...then did just a little Trick or Treating with a friend. She's old enough to feel "too old" to participate, yet hates to miss out on the fun! She's not really a big candy eater, though.

Truly Blessed! said...

Katie was Fancy Nancy (a character from the most fabulous and beloved book in our home), and Ella was Fancy Nancy's little sister (and believe me, Ella is a dead wringer for the little sister in that book!).

They were fabulous and looked stupendous!

redmaryjanes said...

THE WORD IS OUT LADIES...IF YOU WOULD BE OPEN TO ADOPTING A SON, YOU CAN BE MATCHED FAIRLY QUICKLY RIGHT NOW. THE LIST IS ALMOST ALL BOYS AND THEY ARE NOT HAVING AN EASY TIME MATCHING THEM BECAUSE EVERYONE'S FORMS SAY THEY WANT A GIRL. WELL..I THINK WE ALL SAID WE WANT A GIRL BECAUSE WE THOUGH THAT CHINA WOULD NOT BE GIVING MANY BOYS.
IF YOU ARE OPEN TO A SON, CALL YOUR SOCIAL WORKER NOW AND MAKE IT KNOWN.

Monica said...

Adopting older children can truly be a joy and blessing...but it IS very, very different from adopting an infant. The whole attachment/adjustment period takes a lot longer and there are generally more challenges to be navigated.

Our son was 6 years old when we adopted him and even at that young age it was WAY DIFFERENT than either of the two girls (adopted as infants)...especially with attachment.

But, I do know of several families who adopted 13 year old's from my youngest daughter's orphanage...have followed their stories via an e-mail group for years now and each of them have had overwhelmingly positive experiences.

Polar Bear said...

Monica I saw you Genie-Cowgirls picture! How adorable. Too bad Ransom didn't work as a very good mule. That would have been adorable.

We have talked about an older child, but hubby wants a baby for our first. I was rather surprised by that to be honest. I hope the boys find their forever homes before they age out.

redmaryjanes said...

That is hilarious Monica! A genie cowboy..that is a first :)

And I have not read Fancy Nancy, but I have heard about her many times.

I guess I'd better start picking up some Fancy Nancy Books.

redmaryjanes said...

Stacey,
I have missed you, I'm so glad you are here today. You were one of my very first chat ladies.

Monica said...

Really, I can see a LOT of wisdom in starting with a baby for the FIRST child. A baby allows you time to figure things out as you go! Jumping straight in with an older child AS A FIRST TIME PARENT would be really daunting, I think. Older children come with a lot more baggage and prior life experiences behind them, so it isn't as overwhelming if you have already parented another child through that age...at least that is how it seems to me!

redmaryjanes said...

You know, I have just seen it all. I have seen babies that attach really well and have easy transitions and babies who don't. I have seen older kids do the same. Some transition easily and some have issues. I do think if the older kids have serious issues it is harder to resolve them.

Polar Bear said...

Kim I think this all started when you, Steph, and I would be on about the same time. How long ago? At least a year, right?

Monica ~ you have a very good point about having been through it with a child before adopting an older child. Very good point.

Monica said...

I don't want to sound like a discouragement, though, to anyone considering going with a much older child the first time around.

God prepares every family differently. And, actually, I can see some advantages to starting out FIRST with an older child...that child would have your UNDIVIDED attention, since they would be the ONLY child in the home. That would be a huge bonus for you and for the child...hadn't thought of that when I was dispensing my "older children usually have more challenges" warning!

Special K said...

I agree. I've seen older children who transition beautifully and some who really have to work through some stuff.

Monica said...

And you are right...every child attaches differently and on their own time table regardless of the age at placement.

There was a big difference between our first daughter and our second...even though they both came to us at the same age (8 1/2 to 9 months). Both just had totally different temperaments and both had had completely different environments (foster home vs institution)...and it SHOWED when it came to the entire attachment/bonding process.

What I HADN'T been prepared for is how LONG it would take our son to truly ATTACH. It wound up being over three years. For me that was shocking (I just hadn't imagined it would take him so long to finally trust us enough to sink his roots down)...and in the midst of those three years it was very discouraging/disconcerting...I remember thinking he might never really BELONG in the family like his sisters before him.

But, now that we have turned that corner, three years doesn't seem so unreasonable. I think that when we were in the midst of of it, I was just scared that we would never truly ever "turn the corner".

Truly Blessed! said...

There are some fabulous blogs out there about people who have adopted an older child (I'm thinking of "Going to China, bringing back more than a t-shirt" for one -- they started on a path for a baby and eventually brought home a 12 year old girl. The author is pretty honest in her blog, I think, and Lana (now almost 14) is doing so well.

Anyway, there are a lot of people who are searching for a 2nd, 3rd or even 4th child. Maybe an older child would be good for them -- maybe not. But I would think that a child who is over 8 years old would be much more ready and willing to be part of a family -- I think that they have to interview all children over the age of six, and if the child does not want to be adopted, they aren't listed.

My agency spent some time with all of the kids on the list they have (including these three boys who will soon "age out" and have photos and video of all of them. They asked the kids specifically if they wanted families.

Monica said...

You have a good point there....

I didn't realize they dialogued with the older kids and gave them the choice of whether to be adopted or not. That would make a huge difference, I think.

Our son did not want to leave Taiwan or be adopted...when he met us at the airport (in Iowa) it was a pretty horrible scene....like a really awful kidnapping. Maybe if he had been older and able to reason out what was happening and have a say in the matter, it would have been a vastly different experience for him and for us!

Monica said...

What is the http for "Going to China and Bringing Back more than a T-shirt"?

redmaryjanes said...

Kelly,
Is that the blog where the daughter makes jewelry?
If so, she is just an amazing girl.

redmaryjanes said...

Stacey,
I think it was you me and Steffie. And it was at least a year ago. It's been great doing it. It really slowed down for a while there, but it's been picking up again lately.

Truly Blessed! said...

I think it would be terrifying for a "slightly" older child, maybe 3-6 or so, to experience adoption (especially international adoption). It must be so scary and overwhelming to them. I do think it might be easier for an older child, who has the ability to reason some to understand what is going to be happening to him/her.

Still, that being said, there will likely be issues, and parents have to realize that older children (well, ALL adopted children) come with their own issues from the past.

Truly Blessed! said...

I think the blog may have moved. Yes, Lana makes jewelry and she is a lovely girl.

The blog url used to be http://bringinghomebaby.blogspot.com -- not sure where it is now. I can look for it.

Truly Blessed! said...

Okay, it's NOT bringinghomebaby,

it's http://bringingbackbaby.typepad.com/

and I think it may be PW protected now. But maybe it's just my computer acting goofy.

Polar Bear said...

I had followed that blog for a while ~ it is an amazing story.

Monica said...

I heartily second your last observation (that ALL adopted children come with their own issues). That is so true.

What frustrated me as a brand-new-first-time mom with my first baby (adopted) was that other moms would try and "correct" me based on THEIR experience with the baby's who had been BIRTHED to them...and it was not at all the same. MY child had experienced profound loss and trauma and when she went through separation TERROR it was not the same as normal age-appropriate seperation anxiety and it could not be approached the same way. She needed more than a child who had been in a safe, loving, non-abandoning, non-loss environment their entire lives. It really made me bite bullets when other moms would disapprove that I was STAYING in the church nursery with my baby rather than being firm, non-chalant, and walking out without a second glance. What they didn't "get" was that my baby had additional issues to work past beyond just your normal toddler separation anxiety.

Monica said...

oh...yup...it is password protected.

Thanks for looking it up!

redmaryjanes said...

I guess we just have to try to educate the people around us who have not adopted. I'm sure that we will have people who don't understand why we are doing things the way we will do them.
I still need to learn more about attachment.

Polar Bear said...

I worry about that situation with my MIL. She thinks her way is the right way and I will be 'babying' the baby when she comes home. See ~ this is good to have all of you been there' -I say that in a VERY positive way!!

When I go crazy I can come back and 'chat' with all of you.

Truly Blessed! said...

Amen to that, Monica!

People do not understand. They just don't. Even well meaning, well intentioned people don't understand.

I'll say it again, adoption is NOT for the faint of heart!

Monica said...

I think attachment is the KEYSTONE issue when it comes to adoption.

I know my brother-in-law's parents adopted twin 6 year old girls into their family. It breaks my heart everytime my brother-in-law mentions his "adopted" sisters. There is such a "us" and "them" feel to the family...and, knowing him and his parents, I do not think it is because it started out that way in THEIR hearts...just that it never moved beyond "us" and "them" in the girls' hearts...they never attached well...and, even as adults, they don't claim their family. It is very heartbreaking.

That is what I feared most when I saw how SLOWLY attachment was going with my son. And, honestly, as a parent, I can say it is HARD to attach to a child that is not attaching to you. I mean, I anticipated that he would struggle learning to love US...but what blindsided me was that I had to learn to love him. It didn't come all at once like it had with the babies who needed me and depended on me.

Polar Bear said...

That is so sad about your brother-in-law's family.

Monica ~ Thank you for being so honest.

Monica said...

All parents, but MOST ESPECIALLY WE ADOPTIVE PARENTS, really need to just have solid boundaries when it comes to allowing interference from well-meaning friends and relatives in our lives. We know our child better than anyone else and our INSTINCTS about what our child NEEDS is a lot more accurate than those of someone from the outside looking in who are basing their views on how it was with their bio child.

Just grow a tough skin and don't let other people make you second guess your own choices...that is my advice.

It really was hard for me with our first child. By the time child two and three rolled around, either I had gotten so tough skinned that I didn't notice the disapproval of other parents or else, maybe since I was no longer a "new" mom, they just didn't feel constrained to give me so much well meaning advice and instruction!

redmaryjanes said...

We seem to have the full support of our family, but I do worry about Sophia not being embraced in the same way that the boys are. I certainly hope we have no issues..because I won't tolerate it.

Truly Blessed! said...

You know, speaking of attachment, someone who is struggling with this issue right now (her new daughter is 13 mo. old and home for close to a month) asked me "How do we KNOW she has attached to us?" -- wow, that was not a simple question to find an answer for. "You'll know when it happens" doesn't really work, does it?

So, Monica, since you have the most experience with parenting adopted kids, and have gone through some TOUGH attaching issues, could you answer that question for me?

Thanks so much!

Truly Blessed! said...

Hey Kimberley,

Please DON'T go out and buy the Fancy Nancy books -- my girls would LOVE to give them to Sophia as a "welcome home" gift!

Monica said...

For me it was intuitive...just the realization of when the child was finally TRUSTING me deeply enough to DEPEND on me.

As long as the child still has that little protective wall around their heart and are not unconditionally DEPENDING on you, TRUSTING you implicitly...there is still attachment work to be done.

Our second daughter (our youngest child)

sorry...just got a call...will come back in a bit...

redmaryjanes said...

Oh Kelly,
That would be just wonderful!

redmaryjanes said...

You know Kelly,

You have been my book supplier all along. I am really enjoying the Swans book.

Polar Bear said...

What is the Swans book?

Truly Blessed! said...

heh, I'm your "supplier", huh? Please be very careful when you use that term around folks we know -- and please make sure everyone knows it's BOOKS I'm supplying you with!

redmaryjanes said...

Yes...books, written pages. Just books everyone :)

redmaryjanes said...

Wild Swans is the title I believe. It is about 3 generations of Chinese women. It is a true story written by a woman about her Grandmother, her Mother and herself. It is really amazing. It starts with her Grandmother who had her feet bound and was married off as a concubine and her incredible story, then her Mother who worked to bring in the communists, and I haven't really gotten to the authors story yet.

Monica said...

I've not heard of the "Fancy Nancy" books, either!

redmaryjanes said...

Monica,

I wanted you to know that I was born in Kansas City and that is where my family lives. I visit often, but I live in Michigan now.

I know exactly where you live though, it's beautiful there. My stepfathers mother lived in the same town/area that you do.

Monica said...

They live in BOLIVAR?

Polar Bear said...

My sister-in-law gave me that book I think. I haven't read it yet.

My nieces LOVE the Fancy books.

redmaryjanes said...

Yes, she did. She died from cervical cancer many years ago, but she lived in Bolivar. They had quite a few acres of land there.

redmaryjanes said...

I have heard a lot of people talking about Fancy Nancy.

redmaryjanes said...

Well, it looks like Eli is going to be Peter Pan again today. He slept in his costume and now won't take it off today. I told him he has to change his underwear at least.

Truly Blessed! said...

He slept in his costume? How sweet!

Monica said...

LOL! He sounds like my son from age 6-8! (living in his costume like a second skin!)

That is cool that you've been to Bolivar. It is a really nice town. We like it a lot.

redmaryjanes said...

We live in a small town, we are close to a big town, but we live out with the farmers and a small community on our lake. We like it.

Monica said...

Well, hubby, having now idea I have been on here chatting(!)...he thought I was just mindlessly surfing...just mentioned that he needs to borrow the computer to look something up.

So, guess I will SHARE...I mean, he only asks to use the computer about once every THREE MONTHS (literally!)...so...I'll catch you guys all later on down the line!

(It's been fun!)

Monica said...

Sounds like a neat place to live. I just love the "small town-ness" of our town, too.

Okay...now I really AM going to leave! Bye!!!

Truly Blessed! said...

We just love Fancy Nancy. She's about six years old and is VERY fancy (but her family - Mom, Dad & little sister - are not).

The books are great at increasing vocabulary (FN will say "I got an idea that was stupendous, that's a fancy word for 'great'), in addition to just being so cute. My girls just love them.

I'll be posting costume pictures in just a little on my blog, so you can see how darling they were in their finery.

Truly Blessed! said...

Thanks for letting me hang out with y'all today -- now I have a laundry room that needs some attention!

See you tomorrow, maybe, Kimberley. Everyone else, have a stupendous weekend!

Polar Bear said...

I'm off to get some things cleaned. It was great chatting with all of you!

Stacy

redmaryjanes said...

Ok ladies, have a wonderful weekend!

redmaryjanes said...

The chat room is now closed, have a wonderful weekend!