I have been thinking about this for quite some time and I'm going to write it out. I hope not to offend anyone, but I'm saying it like it is for me. I am saying it for my friends out here who have been unable to conceive and who have suffered that pain. It is a pain that I cannot share with them, but I do share my friendship and my heart.
I am a biological mother of 3 sons. I remember exactly how I felt each time I saw that stick turn pink with the 2 lines. I was in awe, afraid, in love and thankful beyond words. I cried and thanked the Lord. I was a mother right then and there in my heart and in my soul.
Now, I will tell you exactly how I felt when I drove my completed dossier to my adoption agency. I was in awe, afraid, in love and thankful beyond words. I sobbed the entire way there and back and I thanked God. I was an expecting mother right then and there in my heart and in my soul, just as I am today. The feelings are the same, the love is the same. I just feel so much more helpless this time.
If you haven't already done this, declare yourself a mother right now. Do not let anyone take any of the joy and anticipation away from you as you wait for your child. Get out there and shop with those big bellied women. We deserve every gift and every baby shower. Our children deserve them too.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
You Are A Mother Right Now...
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43 comments:
Yes, yes, YES! I feel the same! So blessed with my biological children, and so blessed with our hopefully arriving sooooon daughter! And yet, people don't look at it the same, which can be hard. They can't see that just because I don't have a big belly I am not just as excited and hopeful for our daughter in China. And I long just as much for her. Thanks for putting it into words!
I am so glad you did this post! Even though not in your shoes I can totally relate to this. If we are blessed to adopt some day as all of you on this truly amazing journey, I think I would feel the same way...
It's hard to get excited about something that is still so far away, especially after so many years of disappointment. With a pregnancy you see progress and an end in sight. Unfortunately, in our case, after being logged in for almost 9 months, there's still no end in sight. That's what makes it so difficult for me.
You are absolutely correct... I have 3 children also and I have felt like a mother to Isabella from day one..
I love her so much.. and you are so right about helpless... I could feel my other children in my tummy... and I feel Isabella in my heart..but it is still different..
I want her to come home sooo soon..
But I am glad I have blogger friends (like you) to help me through this long wait..
I love buying things for Isabella..
Thanks for letting all of us know we ARE mothers..
Great Post..
Kim
Couldn't have said it better. We are one of those that haven't had the joy of pregnancy(I still don't think those things work :0)...) BUT I have declared myself a mother, a mother who's child has yet to find her. Thank you for putting this out there.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I do feel that it is much harder to give yourself permission to feel the same anticipation because there is no definite end to the waiting. I also don't know if I could handle being that excited for such a long time. I've intentionally made myself step back a little so I don't drive myself and others crazy!
Great post! I felt the same way when I was mailing Chloe's dossier! It's truly an amazing feeling! I agree with other comments, though, that the hardest part of waiting is not seeing (or feeling) any progress. That, and your "due date" keeps getting postponed. Hang in there, everybody!
Glad you did this post, as a mom to a bio and adopted a child...I can totally relate.
AMEN
What a BEAUTIFUL post. As someone who is experiencing both at the same time, I totally agree.
Both paths are a miraculous gift. I adore, love and long for both girls to the same degree.
I have gotten lots of attention for my pregnancy, and I often feel sad for Claire who we are waiting for through adoption. At showers I think about whether or not the gift will work for BOTH girls.
My heart hurts for those who are waiting for their first child. In my mind, I was a mother as soon as I finished that dossier.
as a mom to both I have to say the miracle of adoption is a wonderful magnificent thing...
I cried like a baby the day I handed my dossier to my SW!! It was such an overwhelming feeling...
wonderful post, and a great education for some out there who may not fully understand our feelings.
Yes! You are right. I feel just as amazed and in awe as I did with my biological daughter, and the journey to my son was a miracle as well.
Bless you.
No doubt about that!
Amen to that!
Amen sister!!! Hey, when I was waiting for Annslee I parked in the expectant mother spot a couple of times at BabysRUs....loved it!!! I enjoyed all my baby showers and one of my favorite pictures I have is me and my sister when she was 8 months pregnant and I was waiting....too funny!!
This post is so touching..thank you!
Dear RMJ,
I like this post and the message you want to spread. It is great (for me who never gave birth) to read that you and others are feeling the same emotions while waiting for your child from abroad than when you were waiting for your child from your womb.
I think all of us have declared ourselves a mother already but we don't want to shout it too much to protect ourself. Protect ourselves from a society that can hurt us and our feelings because so much focused on babies and pregnancies and kind of put us aside because it doesn't show for us. Protect ourselves also from us because this wait is freaking long and we don't want to get over excited as we have no clue when it will be over.
I am the Mom of a wonderful little girl and I am "expecting" a mei mei for her but only you, my blogger friends and people who already adopted or are adopting can really understand that our dreams and our hopes and worries are those of a Mom-to-Be even if we don't have the big belly.
Thanks.
Amen...I completely agree!!
Thanks for writing this so beautifully and for always encouraging others. :D
that post was very much appreciated
thank you RMJ for that post, it is exactly how I feel...sometimes I see a pregnant woman and I get jealous knowing I may never get to experience carrying my child in my uterus, but then I feel grateful that I am able to carry my child in my heart which is where my Chynna is each and every day!!
Yes, Yes, Amen to that. As a mom to both bio and adopted. I still felt all goofy mailing our China dossier to our agency. I am an emotional paper pregnant mom right now. Although it is becoming a very extended pregnancy I am joyful and hopeful. Declare your self a mother today indeed!!!
Adoption is every bit as exciting as pregnancy! I have 3 bio and 3 adopted kids and am adopting again. I love each one the same. If you adopt internationally you get to experience labor too....the plane ride!!
Thank you, sometimes I forget I'm a mother too and I have a daughter waiting for me in China.
You go girlfriend. We totally are Mom's already!!!!!
OF COURSE you are all expecting mothers ... don't let anyone tell you differently! :)
RMJ - About the song playing on my blog ... I read your comment from the Sat. chat and figured out how to do it. Thanks!! :)
Thx for that! It is hard to feel like a Mom or Mom To Be when it takes so flippin' long to happen. I have to remind myself that this will happen and I will me a Mother. I get anxious that this is God telling me I am not good enough or I am not worthy enough or I will be a bad mom. Fears that I know will not go away until I have my girl in my arms.
Keep smilin!
the only issue is the unknown gestation time.
And the lack of control.
But yes, we are mothers. Organically.
THANK YOU!!! We are mothers and each day more people recognize that. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Why do you make my cry? I am hormonal. That is such a sweet post.
Amen to that!
2 years after my hysterectomy and I had met the man I wanted to have children with, I fell in a very deep dark place and heavily grieved my loss to ever have a child.
With the support of a loving hubby we adopted(not without many hurdles). Our first daughter was placed in my arms Feb the 9th at 5pm. I was a Mother, this was my child, there was mistake, I had followed the road that I was meant to walk.I thank God for each day I have with my babies.
The dossier was my pregnancy test, referral picture my ultra sound and gotcha day , a labour full of wonderful memories.
You GO RMJ!!!
Who else can say they shared their gestation period with an elephant like we can?
It's so true. For me, mothering my children by birth began with the positive pregnancy tests and mothering our adopted son began long before we ever saw his face. I know that's not everyone's experience, though.
I agree 100%. We are mothers already. I love my duaghter just the same as if I was pregnant with her.
I could not have said it better myself. I felt and do feel exctly the same way:)
Have a blessed weekend.
Kim
I wish I could be as confident as some of you are. I feel much like Dolores does in that, after seven years of infertility and all of our hopes being raised, then dashed...adoption is just another sadness in our lives right now. I am not at the point where I believe it will really happen. I wish I was, truly. The dance is different for some people in that we have had our hearts broken so many times that we now are protective of our hope. While I have some, I am not convinced.
You, my friend are very sweet for writing this very important post.
RMJ. Thank you for a beautiful post. Yes, we are mother's!
Thank you Kimberly for this post!!! It is so true! It truly touched my heart and I want to shout it from the roof tops for everyone who is waiting to hold their baby in their arms....
You ARE a MOMMY!
God's Speed
also...thank you for sharing your feelings of ALL 4 of your pregnancies... so often people don't get it... our children could not be more ours if we had given birth to them.
Happy Mother's Day, everyday, to all of you.
Thanks! I need reminded of this sometimes!
preach it sister .... i am in total agreement ...
Excellent post!!! **Standing Ovation**
It was so nice to read this and be reassured that truly we all really are MOTHERS!! *~Gives me goose bumps to write it, lol~*
Sorry I am so far behind reading your posts, I will catch up, soon.
Smiles! :o)
Nikki
PS - I LOVE the graphic you have for this post! That would be great on a t-shirt, mug...or something. Is the graphic yours? I would like to see if I could get a shirt made.
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