Where Time Stands Still...

Tim's grandparent's home is just wonderful to visit. His grandfather built it with his own hands. It is on a very nice lake and my husband has memories of being there all of his life. We went today to visit them and the weather was just perfect. Here are some photos.

Labor Day...

Annual Labor Day Breakfast

Eli and Sophia waiting in line for food.

Zach, too cool to smile for a photo for his Momma.

Our neighborhood eating together.

Eli, Alex, Emmie, Rachel & Sophia

Taking the boats out.

Sophia the lake girl. She loves to swim and be near the water.

Welcome to the On-Line Baby Shower for Debz & Jazmyn!

Welcome to the baby shower for Debz and Jazmyn. We will be talking in the comments, so if you would like to join in just click on the words (words from a friend) below and you will be linked into the comments. Refresh your screen and you will see others responding to what you have said. If you would like to know her address info, just leave a comment with your e-mail and I will send it out to you.

Books and Hair bows are on the gift list as well as clothing in sizes 3t or 4t.

**THE SHOWER IS NOW CLOSED**
If you would like to send a gift and need Debz address, please leave a comment and I will get it right to you.

Have a Wonderful Labor Day Weekend~

Hope you can join us!

Choosing Your Child...SN Adoption...My Thoughts and Experiences

I am writing this post because I have been contacted by several Moms who were in this place in their journey. The place where you are looking at the file of a child and you have to tell your agency whether or not you accept him or her by 5pm tomorrow. Sometimes you don't even get that much time. Sometimes you are being pressured that if you don't accept this referral, it may be a long time before you get another.
You are looking at the face of a beautiful child. You were so sure you would know instantly when you saw your child's face...but you don't know for sure with this one...you look for any clue, any sign that this is the one.
You read every word in the referral over and over. You forward the referral package to your pediatrician and any specialist you can find. You are typing medical conditions into google search that you cannot even pronounce.
The little face is tattooed in your brain. This is a child living somewhere in the world who needs a family and their fate is in your hands. You could be their mother. All you have to do is say ok.
The anxiety creeps in. Is the file accurate? Can I handle this SN? How will this condition work with our family?
You cannot eat, your stomach is in knots. You cannot sleep...you toss and turn all night long. Is this my child? What should I do?
You pray...literally fall on your face before God begging Him to tell you...give you a sign.

Sophia was the fifth file we reviewed. I had no peace and God was quiet while I suffered through the first four files and let the little girls move on to their forever families. It was hell. That is the only way to describe what I went through. Emotional hell. I questioned my faith, had I not been strong enough to accept the child meant for me? Had I missed a sign from God and let my daughter pass through my fingers?

File Number 1: Beautiful little girl with repaired spina bifida. Her birthday was my Grandfather's birthday and she had the double cowlick that runs in our family. We thought for certain that this was our girl. Many people fear spina bifida children, but I know through my relationship with Amanda at Starfish that these children can be healed and live wonderful lives and they deserve families. We sent the referral packet off to our pediatrician and he thought some things needed clarification.

The file stated she was standing and walking. He wanted to know if she had bowel control and if she could walk unaided. We contacted our agency and asked them to call the orphanage and ask these questions. They did. IF YOU HAVE A MEDICAL QUESTION THAT NEEDS TO BE ANSWERED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ACCEPTING A REFERRAL, HAVE YOUR AGENCY CALL THE ORPHANAGE. THEY CAN AND THEY SHOULD.
We found out that this little girl was completely paralyzed from the waist down. The information in our referral packet was incorrect. We sadly turned down the referral. We had decided early on what SN's we could handle positively and at what severity and this was too severe for us. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELVES ABOUT WHAT SN'S YOU CAN HANDLE.

File Number 2: Almost the same situation as file number one, except we could not get the information we needed to feel comfortable accepting the referral back from the orphanage. They would not cooperate with us enough for us to feel comfortable moving forward, so we turned down the file. IF YOU CANNOT GET ENOUGH INFORMATION TO FEEL COMFORTABLE MOVING FORWARD WITH THE ADOPTION, IT IS OK TO SAY NO AND LET IT GO. All of the children whose files we reviewed found their true forever families. It was never us.

File Number 3: This one was the most difficult. Absolutely darling little girl with a heart condition. Thank you thank you to my friend Kelly who gave me the name of a fabulous cardiologist. We believed with all of our hearts that this was our daughter. I will always carry her with me. I sent the referral to my pediatrician who said that she would definitely need a second surgery (she had already had one in China), but that he thought it looked ok. I also sent the file to a pediatric cardiologist who called me within an hour to tell me that this little girls situation was grave, she wouldn't live past her teens. I have an excellent pediatrician, but he is not a heart specialist. FIND A SPECIALIST WHENEVER YOU CAN TO REVIEW YOUR REFERRAL. If we had not sent our file to a specialist, we would be the parents of a child who would pass away much sooner than we would be ready for her to.

File Number 4: This file never seemed right to me. I got the call from our agency and they sent over the file of a little girl with an eye condition. Her eye would need to be removed. We had asked for the referral of a little girl younger than Eli. We did not wish to adopt out of birth order. Our agency misread this little one's birthdate and thought she was a year younger than she actually was, she was truly older than Eli. I just knew in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't my daughter. We turned down the file.

Sophia's File: I got the call from my SW. She sent the file. I opened it up and refused to fall in love. I just didn't have it in me. I was afraid of investing in another little girl, I was afraid of the anguish again. I sent the file to Tim. He was instantly smitten. I sent the file to our pediatrician and to the same cardiologist who had given us the terrible news about the other little heart girl whose file we had received. It was 2:30pm and I was told I had until 5pm to decide on whether or not I would accept this little girl and that they had other families who they knew would take her. Thank goodness the cardiologist's office called back within an hour. They told me that this little girl's condition was much better than the last and that they thought she looked good and that if they were in our shoes, they would accept the referral.
I had been praying to God to please help me, to please give me a sign. I didn't need a burning bush (although that would be great). And then I noticed the red maryjanes. I know it sounds random, but it was not random to me. I knew it was God and that He had heard me all of those times before and that His silence was my answer regarding the first 4 files. Those girls were not mine.
But this girl was meant for me. I had peace. I had no sleepless nights. There were no knots in my stomach. Every obstacle in our path was removed. Our daughter came home.

IF I CAN GIVE ANY WOMAN WHO IS GOING THROUGH THIS COMFORT, PLEASE FIND IT IN THIS: I do not believe that God will allow you to miss your child. It's too big. It just is. He will let you screw up a lot of things in your life, but I do not believe this is one of them. God has a purpose and plan for your life and for the life of your child. He is not going to let you adopt the wrong child who was intended for another family and He is not going to allow another family to adopt the child meant for you. I truly believe this. It's just too big.

I also want to say that I am here if anyone needs someone to talk to. You don't need to worry about how well you know me or whatever. If you are going through this time in your journey and you need someone to talk to, e-mail me and I'll get you my phone number.

Sunday...

Zach's Senior Pictures...My Favorites

Medical Update & A List of Where We Are Today...

Medical Update:

Yesterday we took Sophia to the heart specialist and her appointment went very well. The doctor said he would love to know who did her surgery because they did such a magnificent job. He said that Sophia originally had two holes in her heart, asd & vsd. They both were repaired. She will not require any further surgery. Her heart is a little larger than it should be though due to all of the extra work it had to do for the three years prior to her surgery, so they have put her on some medication for six months to help it relax some and get used to working properly. We will go back in six months to make sure the medication is successful and hopefully discontinue using it and then we'll go back to visit once a year.
This was a huge weight off of my heart. We never truly knew for certain what was wrong with her heart, the information we received from China was very vague and we received nothing pertaining to her surgery at all. I was just overwhelmed with thoughts that something would be terribly wrong with my baby. I cried when we walked out of the office, all of the anxiety just washed out of me. I cannot live without this girl.

Our Progress:

Sophia is learning English at an amazing pace. Every day she has new words and sentences for me. On Sunday she traced the rim of my coffee mug and said, "Mama, this is a circle". I was just stunned. She has learned to find a way to say or communicate just about anything she wants to get across to someone. She understands pretty much everything we say to her and now the words are quickly coming back at us.

She is so brave. I am in awe of her inner strength. She is very eager for new experiences and loves to meet people. She does not cling to me at all. She keeps an eye on me to see where I am, but she freely explores new environments. She has embraced us as her family and really focuses on showing love to each of us. She and Eli are perfect companions and truly brother and sister. Their days together are filled with hugs and disputes.

She has gained almost 4 pounds since we got her the second week in June. She eats very well, but no over-eating or hoarding food.

I was very nervous about going back to work. I eased her into daycare. We went to my daycare persons home several times while I was home with Sophia. She cried for 10 minutes the first day I went back to work and that was it. I saw the relief on her face when I came to pick her up that first day. And she seemed to understand from then on that I would always come and get her and Eli. She now looks forward to going to see Miss Lynn and enjoys her time there. She has lots of hugs and kisses for me when I come to pick her up and jumps into our van eager to go home.

She is incredibly loving and affectionate. She tells me she loves me probably 20 times a day and I can't get enough of it. You can see in her face that it is truly from her heart. She gives hugs and kisses too. We haven't had any issues with her showing affection to strangers or people she doesn't know well. She seems to understand clearly who her family is.

She is very smart, I mean very smart. Her little mind absorbs everything. Before we brought her home, I had decided that I would probably keep her back a year behind Eli for preschool and kindergarten. Now, I believe she is ahead of him on many levels and that I would be doing her a disservice by not letting her go. I have decided with quite a bit of input from people around us to enroll Sophia in preschool with Eli this fall. They will be in separate classes. If she has trouble, I will take her out and wait until January, but I believe she will thrive. She is exceeding every expectation I had. Truly, she is gifted.

Sophia is still sleeping in the toddler bed next to ours in our room. I don't see this changing anytime soon. I think she will be with us for at least a year, maybe longer. I just know that this is her vulnerable area. She is happy and filled with confidence all day long, but when bedtime comes, there is great anxiety if she isn't near me. I don't know what exactly causes this change. She becomes afraid and helpless. So, I stay with her until she falls soundly asleep every night. She sleeps well and we have no night terrors. But I have to be with her for her to fall asleep.

I feel blessed. So amazingly blessed. I love being close to her. I love watching her become closer and closer to me. She believes in me and she trusts me and that feels so amazing. She was so afraid when she came to us. I strive to memorize everything about her. I now can recognize her a mile away like I can Eli. I know her walk and how she bobs her head back and forth when she runs. I find her exquisitely beautiful. I don't know how anyone could have ever given her up.

Today is her birthday and I have been thinking about her birth mother. She kept her for nine months. I wish I knew her story. I imagine that it was excruciating to leave Sophia behind at the hospital. I have heard that in China you have to pay up front for medical care and that heart surgery would cost 5 years average wages. It pains me to think she had to leave her daughter because she could not pay for the surgery needed to save her life. I wish I knew what happened.

And I truly wish I could reach halfway across the earth and bring her some comfort today. I wish I could tell her that Sophia is loved and growing and healed. I am certain that today she thought about the child she gave birth to and loved for nine months and had to leave. I want her to know that she is ok and that somewhere in the world, her birthday was celebrated. And somewhere in the world, a woman thought about her and whispered on the wind words she hopes will bring some peace.

Happy Birthday Sophia Jane!

My kids

Grandpa Larry and Bob (Poopy)

Sophia and my Dad

Z. and Dan (Tyler & Eli's Godfather)

Sophia didn't know what to do with her presents at first, but she figured things out really quickly!

I'll have to get Tim to work on the red-eye, but I like this picture of me and Sophia.

The icing on the cake was supposed to look like real water....well, it acted like real water too and moved the letters around. Our 'morphed' Little Mermaid Cake.

Sophia and close buddy Katie.

Sophia and Daddy.

Sophia and Tyler.

Sophia and Zach.

Zach trying to free the Barbie from all of the plastic bands holding it to the package. Crazy how well those things are secured!

Birthday Girl with her Disney Princess Dolls. She loves the Princesses!

Sophia and Grandpa Gary. Yeye

Sophia and Great Grandpa Foster.

Preparing for a Party...

Tomorrow is Sophia's 4th Birthday Party. We are celebrating with family and friends.

I am finding myself very emotional. Just thinking about it makes me cry. Most likely my daughter has never had a birthday celebrated. I don't even know how much she really understands about what a birthday is.

Tim's birthday was a couple of weeks ago and last weekend we went to Sophia B.'s party, so I am hoping she will understand what it means. I ask her how old she is and she holds up 3 fingers and then I ask her how old she will be on her birthday and she holds up 4 fingers.
She loves The Little Mermaid. My father got her the movie in Mandarin and she watches it and also watches the English version. So, we're going to have a Little Mermaid cake. She also loves the Disney Princesses and Tinkerbell, so I had a fabulous time buying her gifts in the Princess section of Toys R Us. I got her some Ni Hao Kai Lan things too, she loves that series.

It is raining today, so I hope we have good weather over the weekend!

Big Brother...Little Sister

Happy Birthday Sophia B!

Yesterday we spent the day with the tribe at 'Never Too Many'. We celebrated their Sophia's 5th birthday. We had a fabulous day. We went boating, swimming and fishing. We had a great dinner and cake. It is so nice to have friends who understand the journey you are on and whose lives mesh effortlessly with yours. We are very blessed to be able to share so much time with this family. Happy Birthday Sophia, we were so happy to be there to share it with you!

Sunday...