The Seventh Diamond

Kindergarten Christmas!

2010-12-18T23:27:00.000-05:00

I absolutely love the kids' kindergarten teacher Mrs. P. She is just wonderful. On Friday, I attended the Kindergarten Christmas party and the main event was making gingerbread houses. Eli and Sophia did a wonderful job with their creations. Daddy even made a surprise appearance!

Daddy Daughter Masquerade Ball

2010-11-06T17:56:00.000-04:00

For Gail...Red Mary Janes

2010-10-24T18:33:00.001-04:00

This morning I was helping Sophia get dressed for church. She decided to wear a gray and red plaid dress and I was looking through her closet for matching shoes. My eyes caught a pair that had been in Sophia's closet for years. Before I even had a glimpse of who she would be, these shoes came to me.

I took them downstairs and as I slipped them onto her feet, the tears just started to well up in my eyes. There was no holding them back. Sophia asked me why I was crying. I told her that a long time ago when I was waiting for her and trying to find her, my dear friend Gail sent these shoes to me. I told her that they belonged to her special girl Grace and that they were sent to help Momma smile on days when she was missing Sophia.

Well, Sophia started to cry too. Then Eli came up and asked why we were crying and I said..."shoes". He raised his voice and said, "Good Grief! Mom and Sophia are crying about shoes!"

Small Town Parade

2010-07-16T08:05:00.001-04:00

Our small town has a parade every year to kick off the fair and the 4th of July. Both Eli and Sophia were in the parade. Sophia walked with the children from her dance school. She was allowed to wear any costume that she wanted...you can see that she is a "zebra fairy". Eli walked with his karate school. He just loves karate class. They even stopped and did some of their karate moves for the crowd.

Giveaway!!! Sophia Jane Boutique

2010-06-14T12:04:00.000-04:00

Please check out the AWESOME giveaway from the Sophia Jane Boutique.

If you go over to the Chasing Dreams Photography blog, Colleen explains all the specifics on how to enter. The lucky winner will win a pettiskirt, a crocheted Kufi cap and a flower(all items must be in stock). Good luck!

Beautiful Sophia wearing her pink and white petti.

Adorable miss Addison modeling her purple petti, brown and pink petti and her orange Kufi cap with a flower.

And Grace in her black and pink petti, pink cap and pink zebra flower.

Daddy's Latest Pictures

2010-06-08T08:26:00.000-04:00

Happy Memorial Day Weekend!

2010-05-29T06:25:00.000-04:00

Happy Mother's Day Everyone

2010-05-09T11:09:00.004-04:00

Thank you Lord for blessing me with my beautiful children.

Happy Mother's Day to all of my dear friends.

PRAYER WARRIORS...You are needed today!

2010-04-22T07:02:00.001-04:00

PLEASE PRAY FOR MY FRIEND. Today my friend
Steffie and her husband are in a hospital with their son Andrew. Andrew
will be having open heart surgery to repair a hole in his heart.
Andrew is from the same orphanage as Sophia and has the same condition
she did. My friend waited 3 years to bring this little miracle boy
home. Today she is on her knees before God praying for his life and
future. Please pray for this little boy and his family.

I was Hungry Momma...

2010-04-21T07:44:00.002-04:00

It has been almost a year now since Sophia came home. A beautiful wonderful life changing year for all of us. When I see my children together, their bond is so strong that it is hard to believe that there ever was a time when they were apart. I don't like to think about that time. The time when my daughter was in orphanage. I don't like to think that I was not there for her for the first 3.5 years of her life. It tears my heart out to think of all that she endured. Some of the pains are written in scars on her tiny body that I pretend not to see, that I pretend do hot hurt me. We live our lives for the present and the future.

But every once in a while she and I talk about China. And yesterday she told me that she was hungry when she lived in China. And it pained me so much to hear it. I knew it. I had always known. When she came home her hair was like straw and she was so small. There were no full cheeks and huge dimples like there are today. It hurt me so much to know that my baby had gone without the necessity of food.

Now that she is home and happy and playing dress up, it is easy sometimes to forget where she came from. But it is so important that I do not. That I do not forget where I have been and what I have seen. It is so important for me not to get too comfortable in this house and life with my completed family. I need to keep working for the orphans just as I did before Sophia came home.

So today, I dressed the twins in their 147 million orphans matching shirts to remind me and those around me of the children who need help every day. There are children who we can reach and impact as individuals by working with real people who we know and trust. 147 million orphans was started by a very good friend of mine who changed my life by her love and faith. If you have gotten too comfortable and need to remember what you have seen and where you have been...go to 147millionorphans.com Buy a shirt and feed a child dinner. It's that simple, you buy a shirt, you feed a child in Africa dinner. It is a direct one to one correlation.

147millionorphans.com

Fun at the Hardware Store.

2010-04-12T17:49:00.000-04:00

One of our new favorite things to do on a Saturday is to go to Lo*we's for the children's pojects. Last Saturday Eli and Sophia made a wooden baseball game. They each have their own aprons and receive a patch for every project they complete. So far they have three patches. Next week they are making a planter for the garden!

Easter Day Photos...Which one do you like best?

2010-04-05T08:01:00.000-04:00

These are our Easter photos of the children. I tell you, we took a ton of them and these are the best that we have. It is so hard to get 4 kids to all smile together. I'm going to have Tim lighten up the one of Eli and Sophia. I think that one will be cute in their room.

I wanted a gorgeous lake photo, but it was so windy yesterday that Sophia's eyes are closed in all of them and everyone looks like they were freezing (they were).

So, which one do you like best?

He Is Risen.

2010-04-04T08:27:00.000-04:00

Happy Easter!

2010-04-03T15:47:00.002-04:00

Warm Enough for A Day At The Park!

2010-04-03T07:41:00.000-04:00

Woo Hoo! It was beautiful yesterday. Very warm and sunny. I packed up the twins and we headed to a playground at a nearby school. They ran and played for two hours. I was amazed at the difference between Sophia on the playground now and when she first came home. She is so much more agile now and moves much faster. She is brave and willing to try to go down the high slide even though she is afraid.
Eli is still much more aggressive and moves much more quickly, but I think a lot of that is the fact that he's a boy.
They are wonderful playmates and siblings. They do have their spats, but for the most part, they take care of each other.
I love the last photo of Eli. That is his "Cool Guy" look.

Visiting the Butterflies

2010-03-21T20:32:00.001-04:00

We live near a wonderful botanical garden and each year they bring in a large number of butterflies and raise them until they hatch and then release them into a beautiful terrarium. When you go to visit, you walk into a room filled with butterflies flying free all around you. Eli and Sophia were completely enchanted.

We had so much fun watching them fly and hoping they would land on us. There is also a wonderful children's garden area outside and we walked in the sunshine while the children ran and played.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T07:14:00.003-04:00

Sophia on Sunday!

2010-03-07T18:20:00.002-05:00

Does it feel the same? Bio and Adoption

2010-02-23T10:42:00.003-05:00

Does it feel the same? Bio and Adoption My latest post at No Hands But Ours

I remember when I was pregnant with my oldest son Zachary. I had no idea what was in store for me. I had no idea of the scope of the emotions that motherhood would evoke. I was on the verge of the greatest love of my life.

I remember looking at him after he was born. I loved to just look at him. I would check on him all of the time while he was sleeping to make sure that he was still breathing and that everything was ok. His smell was the sweetest. I would hold him and look into his eyes and he would run his little fingers through my hair. I loved him in a way that I had never loved anyone. My heart was consumed with him.

When I discovered that I was pregnant again with Tyler, I worried. It was a secret worry. I wondered how I could ever love Tyler as much as I loved Zachary. I could not imagine loving two people that deeply and completely.

My worries were completely unfounded. When Tyler was born, it was like my heart grew and Tyler had his special place filled with all of the love and joy that Zachary’s place in my heart held. I was doubly blessed with my two beautiful sons.

Elijah was a surprise for me. I had not truly intended to have more children. He came to me later in life. I was an older and more mature mother. It was a very stressful time in my life though. Tim and I had not been married for very long and had a lot of new family issues to deal with. My job was shaky. I was put on bed rest for six months due to uncontrollable bleeding. It was a tough time. But when he was born, he brought us such joy.

Shortly after he was born, I started to think about the gap between him and his brothers. There are 10 years between him and Tyler. I didn’t want him to grow up alone. I was already re-living the baby years and truly enjoying them. I knew that another pregnancy was not advisable since I had had such a tough time carrying Elijah. Tyler had been a very difficult pregnancy too. I started to think about adoption.
Tim and I started working on our adoption of Sophia on our second anniversary. I was very excited about it. But the secret fear came back. Can I love her the same? Will the fact that she is adopted make a difference? My mind said, “absolutely not, it will make no difference”. But I still had the secret fear.

Our journey to Sophia was a very long and emotional one. Sometimes it seemed as if she would never come home. But after three and a half years, it was our time. We were going to China to meet our daughter.

The feelings I had when I first saw Sophia were not the same as was when I first saw my sons. I was completely overwhelmed with sadness and anger. I was unprepared in my heart to meet a child who had no one. I could not believe that there was no Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent who would come forward for this child. To be looking into the eyes of a beautiful child who has no one in this world will literally stop your heart. How could this happen to this baby? How could there be no one? Looking abandonment in the face was devastating to me.

And then my heart kicked in. I was no longer looking at abandonment. I was looking at my child. Right at that moment she became my child. No longer an orphan. No longer with no one. We had come forward and with us Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles and loved ones in America came forward too. We were now her family.

My heart grew Sophia’s place where all of my love and joy for her lives. It is every bit as real and alive as the love I have for her brothers. The secret fear was unfounded again. For me a child is a child no matter how God brings them to you and I am so happy that I can say that. I am so happy that I love her the way that I do.

My relationship with her is uniquely its own. There has been a lot of bonding and growing and changing over these past seven months. My relationship with each of my children is unique. They each have their own personalities that interact in different ways with my own personality. They are each uniquely loved by me, their mother. I feel so blessed to have the motherhood experiences that I have had. I am so humbled by the gift of my children. They are pure magic to me and I thank God for them.

Happy Chinese New Year!

2010-02-14T18:51:00.001-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

2010-02-09T06:40:00.001-05:00

Visit to the Cardiologist

2010-02-03T07:27:00.005-05:00

This is Jason. He is a nurse who works with our pediatric cardiologist. He was very instrumental in helping us bring Sophia home. He is the man who answered my call for help and had me e-mail Sophia's referral information to him. He reviewed everything and had the cardiologist review it too and got back to us very quickly. I cannot say enough about this man.

As many of you know, I was hoping for a better outcome from this appointment but I am still happy that everything is ok for our girl. Sophia's heart surgery for asd/vsd should have been done when she was about a year old and wasn't done until she was almost four. The result is that her heart is slightly enlarged from all of the additional work it had to do to keep her alive. Our cardiologist said her condition is mild and he thinks she will grow out of it, but she needs to remain on her blood pressure medication for another year. She does not have an issue with blood pressure, the meds help her heart to relax and get used to working properly now that it has been repaired.

Trip to the Dentist...

2010-01-25T20:38:00.004-05:00

Eli and Sophia had their first trip to the dentist last week. They did a fantastic job! No fussing, they were perfect little patients. Eli has no cavities and Sophia has the beginning of two but we are going to keep an eye on them to see if they clear up. I was very proud of the twins!

More than I Love You

2010-01-14T11:02:00.001-05:00

More than I Love You

Sophia has been our child for seven months now. She has adjusted wonderfully to our family. She enjoys playing with other children and attending preschool. She knows the family routines and is comfortable in our home. She sleeps soundly on her own in her big girl bed. She freely shows love to each of her family members. From all appearances, it truly is difficult to tell that she has not been with us since birth. From all appearances, she and Eli are equally adjusted in our family unit. Sometimes when I see them together, I don’t remember that it has only been seven months. Sometimes it is easy to believe that it has always been this way.

But there is something in the way that she says, “I Love You”. Sophia tells me that she loves me at least 30 times a day. That is not an exaggeration. And there is something in her words that I cannot directly explain, but I hear it. Her words say, “I love you Mama”, but I also hear the fearful words behind it, “the please keep me, I don’t want to go back”.
I believe that the constant, “I Love You Mama”, is her need to let me know that she wants to stay here with us. That she is still afraid of being taken away. She needs me to know that she wants to be here and more importantly, she needs me to affirm that I want her to be here with us too and that I am her Mama.

I know that this is normal. I know that this is something we will have to go through most likely for years until she knows on a subconscious level that she will be with us forever, but it breaks my heart. Every day I tell her over and over that I love her. I tell her over and over that she is my only girl. I tell her over and over that she is the most wonderful little girl in the world. I tell her over and over how much Mama and Baba love her and that we will be her Mama and Baba when she is 5,6,7,8 and all grown up and a Mama herself and even when she is a Grandma. I hope that she can hear the hidden words behind mine, “I love you so much that I cannot imagine a day without you, I could never imagine a daughter more wonderful and I would give my life to keep you safe”.

Eli tells me he loves me about 4 times a day. There is no need in his voice. The words come easy to him. I long for the day when it is the same for Sophia. I long for the day when she doesn’t need that constant affirmation because she knows in her soul that she is mine and I am hers.

Happy New Year!

2009-12-31T17:39:00.003-05:00

The Preschool Christmas Pageant...

2009-12-22T08:06:00.005-05:00

We had so much fun watching all of the little preschoolers tell the story of the birth of Baby Jesus at Eli and Sophia's preschool. Sophia was a little angel and Eli was a shepherd. They did a wonderful job!

Merry Christmas....To The Families Still Waiting

2009-12-11T18:21:00.006-05:00

This Christmas is so very special to me. This is the first Christmas in over three years where our family is complete. No one is missing. Our daughter is home. After over three long heartbreaking years....my baby is home for Christmas.

When we put up our Christmas tree, each child has ornaments that belong exclusively to them. I add to each of their collections every year. Three years ago I held Sophia's first ornament in my hand and through my tears, placed it on the tree. I did not believe at the time that she had been born yet, but she was alive...a baby in China.

I placed my order for 2007. The ornament held great significance to me. Believe. I had to keep believing that my daughter was out there somewhere. That year I knew she was alive, I knew she was waiting in China. We were hitting road block after road block. The wait time was getting longer, we weren't allowed into the SN program until our LID was through review. I was in tears when I opened the box and saw the word 'Believe'. I put it on the tree, my second Christmas without my daughter. I prayed that she was warm, that she had a blanket and adequate food. I prayed that God would send someone to smile at her and pick her up.

Christmas 2008, we had hope. We were actively reviewing SN files. Our daughter was near, we just didn't know it. I placed another ornament on the tree. Eli and I prayed that God would send angels to keep his sister safe and to tell her that we loved her. I knew without a doubt that my daughter was alive and that I just needed to find her. I was begging God to bring our daughter to us.

Christmas 2009, I sat on the couch in front of our tree with tears pouring down my face as I took out three ornaments and handed them to my daughter. Choking back sobs, I watched her place them on the tree for the first time. My husband and sons just stood in silence and watched. There were no words, just an understanding of the impact of that moment. I thanked God that my baby was home.

TO YOU WHO WAIT....They say that you forget once they place your child in your arms. My daughter has been home since July and I have not forgotten. I have not forgotten the pain and the worry and the hole in my soul that only my daughter could fill. The anguish of the wait is still etched in my heart and mind.

My heart is with you this year. I know that many of you will be placing your "Waiting for" ornaments on your trees. God Bless you and your families and your children who you have yet to find. This year I will pray for you.

I Need Addresses From Everyone Participating in the Christmas Ornament and Card Exchanges!

2009-12-07T13:51:00.003-05:00

Hello Everyone! I need addresses from everyone who is participating in the Christmas Ornament and Card Exchanges.

Please e-mail them to me at timnkim@gmail.com

ALSO, please confirm if you want to participate in the card exchange, ornament exchange or both.

Thank You!

The Seventh Diamond Christmas Card & Ornament Exchange

2009-11-18T18:02:00.003-05:00

I have had quite a few people asking if I am going to host the Christmas Card and Christmas Ornament Exchange again this year and yes I am!

You can participate in one or both. Please leave a comment, or e-mail me as to which one you would like to participate in. I will have your Christmas Card Lists and Christmas Ornament Exchange partners e-mailed to you by December 5th.

Fun in the Sun...One Last Time

2009-11-08T17:23:00.004-05:00

Today was absolutely gorgeous outside. We had a wonderful afternoon. I put away all of our outdoor Halloween decorations. Eli, Tyler and Tim played baseball. Sophia scootered. It was just perfect. I am so glad we got out because our forcast for next weekend includes the possibility for snow.

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers. My father's sister has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that began in the breast and has traveled to her side and lungs. She was admitted to the hospital for congestive heart failure last week and her cancer was unknown to us all at that time. My Aunt has lived the majority of her life with my Grandmother. My Grandfather just passed away last month. I am just so devastated for my Grandmother. She will face two huge losses in a short amount of time.

This year has brought tremendous loss and at the same time the gift of my daughter.

Halloween Weekend!

2009-10-30T07:34:00.002-04:00

It is absolutely pouring rain outside and we aren't going to have very good weather for Trick or Treating, but we are going to make the best of it! We are off to a party at the Kenward's tonight. Sophia is dancing with her friends from dancing in the pavilion at the park in our town on Halloween day and then we will be walking around our small neighborhood Trick or Treating. Tyler has a costume party this weekend too and is wearing his werewolf mask. I LOVE Halloween....so bring on the fun!

Crazy Week!

2009-10-27T07:28:00.003-04:00

Our main bathroom is out of service. Hopefully it will be tiled soon :)
I have to get the kids' costumes on to make sure everything fits.
Two Halloween parties on the same night this weekend. One for us and the twins, one for Tyler.
Trying to decide on whether or not to get the H1N1 mist for the kids on Thursday.
Working on some joint projects with Robin at Red Thread Stitches.

Lunch today with Steffie...some girlfriend conversation...priceless.

2009-10-27T07:26:00.002-04:00

4 month update...

2009-10-22T19:36:00.002-04:00

Sophia is fluent in English. She fully understands who her family is and loves us. She is comfortable in her home. She sleeps through the night in her own bed, no tears no fears. She enjoys preschool. She LOVES ballerina class. She is making friends. She eats normally. She runs, skips, giggles and tries to tell jokes. She has her little sister job mastered; loving her brothers one minute and tattling on them the next. She has her Daddy wrapped around her little finger. She is her Mama's princess. She is an absolute joy and we are so blessed.

Happy Birthday to my sweet son Tyler!

2009-10-18T09:24:00.003-04:00

New Family Photos

2009-10-16T19:13:00.008-04:00

Steffie Beckering is a wonderful friend of mine. She took these photos of our family. I am so happy with them. I think they are just beautiful. She took 150 shots of our family and had 50 that are wonderful. If you live in Michigan and need a photographer, you should schedule some time with her. Her blog is 'Never Too Many'.

Tyler always struggles with photos, he has a hard time finding his true smile. Steffie took the most wonderful photo of him smiling. He left relaxed and happy instead of stressed and really likes his picture.

Sophia's First Night In Her Room...In Her Big Girl Bed...Eli Too!

2009-10-09T20:09:00.004-04:00

Please cross your fingers and say a little prayer. Tonight is the first night that Sophia will try to sleep in her room in her big girl bed. She has been in a toddler bed in our room since July 3rd. We tried VERY UNSUCCESSFULLY to have her sleep in her own room and bed when we got home, but she just wasn't ready.
Now, we have also had issues with Eli since we came home. He wakes up all throughout the night and gets out of bed and tries to climb into bed with whoever will take him. This has been going on for three months.
So tonight I am putting them both on the bottom bunk together...one at each end. I am hoping that they will be comforted by each other and sleep in their room all night long.

We made very special preparations for tonight. Eli got a new Transformers poster that I put on his end of the bed and Sophia got a new Tinkerbell poster for her end. We also put glow in the dark stars on the wood that supports the top matress, so that when they look up they will see them.

Oh my word...I am so nervous. I HOPE THIS WORKS!!!

Why Did You Bring Me Home?...This Morning's Conversation with Sophia.

2009-10-09T08:00:00.004-04:00

This morning Sophia was looking at her Baby Be Blessed doll. I told her she was a very special doll because Mama took her with her to China when she went to get Sophia. Sophia looked at me and said "China?". I said yes, "I went to China to bring you home". She then asked, "Why did you bring me home?". I said, "Because I am your Mama and I love you." And she looked deep in my eyes and said, "Thank you Mama".

Ballet Photos...

2009-10-09T07:46:00.005-04:00

I had a request to take some photos of Sophia at Ballet last night. Miss Kelly has a pretty strict policy of no one peeking in when the doors are closed, but here are the shots I got.

Starfish Needs Some Help...Children's Tylenol & Motrin Need to be Shipped Out ASAP.

2009-10-05T21:54:00.003-04:00

There is a bacterial infection going through the orphanage in Xian where Amanda's children come from. Some of her children are starting to come down with fever and she is low on Children's Tylenol and Children's Motrin.
Please, if you are willing to send a small package with a bottle of each, let me know. If you ship via the US Postal Service, it should be pretty inexpensive.
She needs the meds now.

Please leave a comment and I will get you her address. If you are traveling to China soon and are willing to bring some meds and mail them from there, let me know.

Thank you.

Kim's Bow Swap....

2009-10-05T21:15:00.002-04:00

Kim at 'Isabella Bison' is hosting a bow swap. Head on over to her blog and sign up :) If you order your bows for the swap from Sophia Jane Boutique, send me an e-mail and let me know what message you would like to send to your person and I will ship your bows directly to whoever you are matched with. I will also throw in a bonus bow!!

Chinese Moon Festival 09

2009-10-04T20:07:00.001-04:00

We had a wonderful time celebrating Chinese Moon Festival with Kim K. and her family and friends. The children made paper lanterns and decorated moon cookies and then we went to eat at a Chinese restaurant. We re-connected with some families we have known and met some new families too.

Chinese Moon Festival...

2009-10-03T10:08:00.004-04:00

Happy Moon Festival!

Enable

2009-10-02T11:03:00.003-04:00

I have been asked to be a contributor to 'No Hands But Ours'. So, my mind has been filled with ideas of things to write about based on my adoption experience. Let me know what you think about this one.

ENABLE

I have a passion for adoption. I have one child adopted from China. I don’t know if I will ever go back. But I want to do more. I want to be a part of helping children come home. I want to be an enabler. This is where I am right now and I have heard from a lot of women in the same place.

This is the story of how people enabled me to bring my daughter home. This is how I know that I can still play an important role in the lives of families and children. These are some things that can be done to support the families who are still on the journey to their child:

When we first started talking about adoption, I didn’t know very many people who had adopted. My blog changed all of that. It became a lifeline for me.

I was a little nervous about telling our family when we made the decision to adopt. I didn’t know how they would react. I thought that they would be supportive but I didn’t know for sure. My anxiety was a waste of energy because our family has been wonderful, but some families are not as accepting. If someone in your family makes the decision to adopt, be their supporter and champion to the rest of the family.

I didn’t know a lot about what to expect or how the paperwork flowed, or what I needed to do. My agency was helpful, but truthfully my information came from women on-line. When I had a question, I would post it and I would receive the information that I needed.
This was a tremendous help and kept me on top of the things I needed to know. Reach out to adopting families and be a source of knowledge to those who are following in your footsteps.

I am a working mother with a large family, so I need help to care for my children and to keep my household running the way that it should. The key to my success in this is one woman. One woman who cares for my family and believes in Sophia’s adoption. Daycare person is not an adequate title for Lynn. She is my friend and enables me to be the type of mother that I want to be. When I approached her about the adoption, she was so positive about it and willing to take care of our new daughter. As time marched on and we decided to go the SN route, I talked with her about it and again her response was so positive. She was willing to be there for our family and care for Sophia, special needs was not an issue. When I received a file that we were looking at closely, I would go over it with her. She always had an open heart. She was willing to get her family vaccinated for hep B if we went that route, she was willing to care for a child with spina bifida. It brought me such peace to know that my new little one would be in wonderful hands while I was working. I needed Lynn’s support to be able to make this work. If you are in a position to play a role in the lives of families by providing care for their children, please be open to adopting families and understand that these little ones may need special concessions.

We waited a long time for Sophia. It was not a happy journey for us. Our agency kept changing the rules and providing us with information that honestly was just plain untrue. There is no doubt that I had to fight to bring my daughter home. I was in constant contact with my social worker. I was always two steps ahead of my agency in knowing what changes were coming down the pike. I knew so much more than they wanted me to about what they were doing (thanks to all of my waiting moms in blogland). There were times when I didn’t think I could make it to the finish line. There were times when I just sat and cried. My children had lost hope that this would ever happen. If it were not for my friends, the women who came out of cyberspace to support and love and pray for me, I don’t know if I could have made it. I was infused with their strength and it kept me going. Some of my closest friends now are a result of this experience. When you sit in a restaurant face to face with another woman just as sad and desperate for her baby as you are and she reaches for your hand and through her tears tells you she hopes you have your child first (and you know she truly means it), you are bonded forever. If you have the opportunity to pray for, befriend or emotionally support someone who is waiting for their child, please do it. They need you.

After we received our referral, there were so many things that we needed to do…it was just a whirlwind. We had a lot of fees that we were not aware of initially that came to light and had to be paid immediately. We didn’t have the cash to cover all of these fees. We needed to raise funds and I decided that an on-line auction was the best way to try to do it. I had never used my blog to ask for funds for myself, so I was a little nervous about it. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming. A dear girlfriend of mine designed a gorgeous site exclusively for the auction. Women flooded my e-mail with offers to help and items to be sold. . I received so many donation items to auction, so many beautiful things. I also received checks in the mail from women I had never seen face to face. I put them in a box in my room and cashed them when we had a fee due. There were times when I was so touched that my eyes just filled with tears. All of these women wanted to help. They wanted to be a part of enabling us to bring our daughter home. And they were. We raised close to $5.000. All of our up-front fees were covered. It was such a weight off of my shoulders, the stress just left me and I was able to focus on getting things ready for travel and for our daughter. The only way I can re-pay these women is to pay it forward. If you are in a position to help a family raise funds for their adoption, please do it. No effort is too small, everything adds up to a miracle.

Sophia turned four years old shortly after we came home. I could tell that she was very intelligent, every bit as smart and able as her four year old brother Eli. I had Eli scheduled to start preschool and soccer in the fall and I thought Sophia could be in preschool and an activity too. It has been my hope that she will be ready to start kindergarten on-schedule. For this to happen, I would have to get her into preschool. I didn’t know if they would take her, she didn’t speak much English and I did not know what level she was at as far as education was concerned. There was also the issue of separation anxiety which we were dealing with. I called the preschool and explained our special situation. Without hesitation, they told me they would let her in. They had never had a child who did not speak fluent English, but they were willing to try. I will be honest, the first week of preschool was rough for Sophia, but after that she has had a wonderful time and her language skills are unbelievable. She is picking up English very quickly. Next came the issue of an extra-curricular activity. Sophia’s gross motor skills needed work. I don’t think she ever spent much time off of the floor of her orphanage. When we first got her, she took steps one at a time like a toddler and was a slow runner and was very cautious on play equipment. The dance school in our town has a class for 4 year olds, ballet/tap/tumbling. I called to see if they would be willing to work with Sophia and her special situation. Miss Kelly who owns the school agreed to allow Sophia into the little girl’s class and pays special attention to helping her. Sophia loves her ‘ballerina school’. Last night I sat with tears in my eyes while I peaked through the studio door and watched my little girl walking on her toes and trying to plie. If you are a teacher or a coach, open your heart to these kiddos.

People on the ‘front lines’ of adoption need people behind them to support them and help them. If you are done growing your family, it doesn’t mean you can’t play a vital role in the adoption movement. Enable the people around you to complete their journeys, sponsor children who need help. Donate to organizations to pay for supplies and surgeries for children in need. Someone paid to heal my daughter’s heart, a surgeon somewhere in the world volunteered his time to give her a fuller life. I don’t know who these people are, but I owe them a debt that can never be paid. All I can do is pay it forward. I can be an enabler.

Zach's Homecoming 2009

2009-09-26T21:38:00.002-04:00

Tonight Zach took Isabel to homecoming. I think they look fabulous together!

The 3rd Annual Halloween Blog Contest!

2009-09-25T19:42:00.007-04:00

Oh yes...it's that time again. Time for the 3rd Annual Halloween Blog Contest. I need contestants and secret judges.

If you would like to be a contestant, please leave a comment below. If you would like to be a judge, please e-mail me at timnkim@gmail.com so no one knows who you are.

As always, there will be a VERY COOL prize for the winner.

This has been a lot of fun each year. I hope that we have a lot of entries this year. GOOD LUCK!

Facebook...

2009-09-23T20:15:00.003-04:00

I have discovered facebook. I have to admit, I'm having a lot of fun with it. I don't know how it's going to affect my blogging. Most of you won't notice since you all are on facebook too.

Don't worry, I'm keeping the blog. But facebook is a lot of fun!

Sunday...

2009-09-20T12:01:00.001-04:00

Eli the Soccer Star!

2009-09-19T13:09:00.004-04:00

Eli started soccer this week. The whole family went out to cheer him on. He is in the 4 to 5 year old group and it is so cute to watch the kids play. He is the 'ball hog' though. He's an aggressive boy, so he just runs up and takes the ball from whoever has it and runs it all of the way up the field. So....we have to work on sharing and letting other people have a turn. But his coach said he loved his energy, so I guess that's good. He had so much fun and it is a great way to get the energy worked out of him. He really wants to play football, but he's too little now so I think soccer will be his sport for the next couple of years.

I Pray that You Are At Perfect Peace...

2009-09-18T08:59:00.005-04:00

My Grandfather passed away yesterday. I have so many wonderful memories from my childhood of being at my Grandparents home. My Grandfather had been ill for a long time and I know that he is in a much better place now. Our family will miss him.

Preschool...

2009-09-16T20:41:00.002-04:00

Monday was the first day of preschool. Eli had gone last year, so he was very excited to start out a new year. Sophia was very nervous. I had to stay right with her. Eventually she started enjoying herself and following along well with the class. That all ended when I told her I had to go to work. She started crying and would not stop. My friend who watches Eli and Sophia during the day for us came and spent the rest of the time with her.

I was very nervous about what would happen today. If today went like Monday, then I was not going to bring Sophia back to try again until January. My friend took Eli and Sophia in to preschool. Sophia was nervous and teary eyed for a while and then got into what the class was doing. My friend slowly backed out of the room and hung out of sight in the gym and Sophia never noticed and was fine for the next 2 hours of preschool. No more tears or anxiety. She told me tonight that she had fun fun fun at preschool and wanted to go back.

I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to hear this news today. I was almost in tears. Sophia is so smart and I just knew that she would excel in preschool. But I did not know if emotionally her little heart was ready. I want to give her the opportunities to do things that will help her grow, but not overwhelm her and cause regression. Today was a win for her. I am so happy that she is going to be able to have this experience this year. She came home tonight and went to the coloring table and pulled out some coloring lesson books and counted and worked in the workbooks for almost an hour. She truly is just absorbing everything. Her English is amazing. I know that everyone thinks their child is a genius, but truly....my girl is very smart.

I think that with each new experience, she just needs to know that we are not leaving her. I truly believe that is the core. Once she understands that we are going to come and bring her home, she relaxes and takes in everything she can. It's as if she understands that she is in an amazing world with so much to show her and she's willing to explore as long as she knows she has her anchor in us. I know that I am going to have an amazing journey ahead of me as her mother. I am just in awe of my girl.

Where Time Stands Still...

2009-09-12T22:14:00.005-04:00

Tim's grandparent's home is just wonderful to visit. His grandfather built it with his own hands. It is on a very nice lake and my husband has memories of being there all of his life. We went today to visit them and the weather was just perfect. Here are some photos.

Labor Day...

2009-09-07T19:40:00.005-04:00

Annual Labor Day Breakfast

Eli and Sophia waiting in line for food.

Zach, too cool to smile for a photo for his Momma.

Our neighborhood eating together.

Eli, Alex, Emmie, Rachel & Sophia

Taking the boats out.

Sophia the lake girl. She loves to swim and be near the water.

Welcome to the On-Line Baby Shower for Debz & Jazmyn!

2009-09-03T07:31:00.007-04:00

Welcome to the baby shower for Debz and Jazmyn. We will be talking in the comments, so if you would like to join in just click on the words (words from a friend) below and you will be linked into the comments. Refresh your screen and you will see others responding to what you have said. If you would like to know her address info, just leave a comment with your e-mail and I will send it out to you.

Books and Hair bows are on the gift list as well as clothing in sizes 3t or 4t.

**THE SHOWER IS NOW CLOSED**
If you would like to send a gift and need Debz address, please leave a comment and I will get it right to you.

Have a Wonderful Labor Day Weekend~

Hope you can join us!

Choosing Your Child...SN Adoption...My Thoughts and Experiences

2009-08-31T21:04:00.007-04:00

I am writing this post because I have been contacted by several Moms who were in this place in their journey. The place where you are looking at the file of a child and you have to tell your agency whether or not you accept him or her by 5pm tomorrow. Sometimes you don't even get that much time. Sometimes you are being pressured that if you don't accept this referral, it may be a long time before you get another.
You are looking at the face of a beautiful child. You were so sure you would know instantly when you saw your child's face...but you don't know for sure with this one...you look for any clue, any sign that this is the one.
You read every word in the referral over and over. You forward the referral package to your pediatrician and any specialist you can find. You are typing medical conditions into google search that you cannot even pronounce.
The little face is tattooed in your brain. This is a child living somewhere in the world who needs a family and their fate is in your hands. You could be their mother. All you have to do is say ok.
The anxiety creeps in. Is the file accurate? Can I handle this SN? How will this condition work with our family?
You cannot eat, your stomach is in knots. You cannot sleep...you toss and turn all night long. Is this my child? What should I do?
You pray...literally fall on your face before God begging Him to tell you...give you a sign.

Sophia was the fifth file we reviewed. I had no peace and God was quiet while I suffered through the first four files and let the little girls move on to their forever families. It was hell. That is the only way to describe what I went through. Emotional hell. I questioned my faith, had I not been strong enough to accept the child meant for me? Had I missed a sign from God and let my daughter pass through my fingers?

File Number 1: Beautiful little girl with repaired spina bifida. Her birthday was my Grandfather's birthday and she had the double cowlick that runs in our family. We thought for certain that this was our girl. Many people fear spina bifida children, but I know through my relationship with Amanda at Starfish that these children can be healed and live wonderful lives and they deserve families. We sent the referral packet off to our pediatrician and he thought some things needed clarification.

The file stated she was standing and walking. He wanted to know if she had bowel control and if she could walk unaided. We contacted our agency and asked them to call the orphanage and ask these questions. They did. IF YOU HAVE A MEDICAL QUESTION THAT NEEDS TO BE ANSWERED IN ORDER FOR YOU TO FEEL COMFORTABLE ACCEPTING A REFERRAL, HAVE YOUR AGENCY CALL THE ORPHANAGE. THEY CAN AND THEY SHOULD.
We found out that this little girl was completely paralyzed from the waist down. The information in our referral packet was incorrect. We sadly turned down the referral. We had decided early on what SN's we could handle positively and at what severity and this was too severe for us. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELVES ABOUT WHAT SN'S YOU CAN HANDLE.

File Number 2: Almost the same situation as file number one, except we could not get the information we needed to feel comfortable accepting the referral back from the orphanage. They would not cooperate with us enough for us to feel comfortable moving forward, so we turned down the file. IF YOU CANNOT GET ENOUGH INFORMATION TO FEEL COMFORTABLE MOVING FORWARD WITH THE ADOPTION, IT IS OK TO SAY NO AND LET IT GO. All of the children whose files we reviewed found their true forever families. It was never us.

File Number 3: This one was the most difficult. Absolutely darling little girl with a heart condition. Thank you thank you to my friend Kelly who gave me the name of a fabulous cardiologist. We believed with all of our hearts that this was our daughter. I will always carry her with me. I sent the referral to my pediatrician who said that she would definitely need a second surgery (she had already had one in China), but that he thought it looked ok. I also sent the file to a pediatric cardiologist who called me within an hour to tell me that this little girls situation was grave, she wouldn't live past her teens. I have an excellent pediatrician, but he is not a heart specialist. FIND A SPECIALIST WHENEVER YOU CAN TO REVIEW YOUR REFERRAL. If we had not sent our file to a specialist, we would be the parents of a child who would pass away much sooner than we would be ready for her to.

File Number 4: This file never seemed right to me. I got the call from our agency and they sent over the file of a little girl with an eye condition. Her eye would need to be removed. We had asked for the referral of a little girl younger than Eli. We did not wish to adopt out of birth order. Our agency misread this little one's birthdate and thought she was a year younger than she actually was, she was truly older than Eli. I just knew in the pit of my stomach that this wasn't my daughter. We turned down the file.

Sophia's File: I got the call from my SW. She sent the file. I opened it up and refused to fall in love. I just didn't have it in me. I was afraid of investing in another little girl, I was afraid of the anguish again. I sent the file to Tim. He was instantly smitten. I sent the file to our pediatrician and to the same cardiologist who had given us the terrible news about the other little heart girl whose file we had received. It was 2:30pm and I was told I had until 5pm to decide on whether or not I would accept this little girl and that they had other families who they knew would take her. Thank goodness the cardiologist's office called back within an hour. They told me that this little girl's condition was much better than the last and that they thought she looked good and that if they were in our shoes, they would accept the referral.
I had been praying to God to please help me, to please give me a sign. I didn't need a burning bush (although that would be great). And then I noticed the red maryjanes. I know it sounds random, but it was not random to me. I knew it was God and that He had heard me all of those times before and that His silence was my answer regarding the first 4 files. Those girls were not mine.
But this girl was meant for me. I had peace. I had no sleepless nights. There were no knots in my stomach. Every obstacle in our path was removed. Our daughter came home.

IF I CAN GIVE ANY WOMAN WHO IS GOING THROUGH THIS COMFORT, PLEASE FIND IT IN THIS: I do not believe that God will allow you to miss your child. It's too big. It just is. He will let you screw up a lot of things in your life, but I do not believe this is one of them. God has a purpose and plan for your life and for the life of your child. He is not going to let you adopt the wrong child who was intended for another family and He is not going to allow another family to adopt the child meant for you. I truly believe this. It's just too big.

I also want to say that I am here if anyone needs someone to talk to. You don't need to worry about how well you know me or whatever. If you are going through this time in your journey and you need someone to talk to, e-mail me and I'll get you my phone number.

Sunday...

2009-08-30T20:58:00.002-04:00

Zach's Senior Pictures...My Favorites

2009-08-28T18:38:00.001-04:00

Medical Update & A List of Where We Are Today...

2009-08-26T21:08:00.006-04:00

Medical Update:

Yesterday we took Sophia to the heart specialist and her appointment went very well. The doctor said he would love to know who did her surgery because they did such a magnificent job. He said that Sophia originally had two holes in her heart, asd & vsd. They both were repaired. She will not require any further surgery. Her heart is a little larger than it should be though due to all of the extra work it had to do for the three years prior to her surgery, so they have put her on some medication for six months to help it relax some and get used to working properly. We will go back in six months to make sure the medication is successful and hopefully discontinue using it and then we'll go back to visit once a year.
This was a huge weight off of my heart. We never truly knew for certain what was wrong with her heart, the information we received from China was very vague and we received nothing pertaining to her surgery at all. I was just overwhelmed with thoughts that something would be terribly wrong with my baby. I cried when we walked out of the office, all of the anxiety just washed out of me. I cannot live without this girl.

Our Progress:

Sophia is learning English at an amazing pace. Every day she has new words and sentences for me. On Sunday she traced the rim of my coffee mug and said, "Mama, this is a circle". I was just stunned. She has learned to find a way to say or communicate just about anything she wants to get across to someone. She understands pretty much everything we say to her and now the words are quickly coming back at us.

She is so brave. I am in awe of her inner strength. She is very eager for new experiences and loves to meet people. She does not cling to me at all. She keeps an eye on me to see where I am, but she freely explores new environments. She has embraced us as her family and really focuses on showing love to each of us. She and Eli are perfect companions and truly brother and sister. Their days together are filled with hugs and disputes.

She has gained almost 4 pounds since we got her the second week in June. She eats very well, but no over-eating or hoarding food.

I was very nervous about going back to work. I eased her into daycare. We went to my daycare persons home several times while I was home with Sophia. She cried for 10 minutes the first day I went back to work and that was it. I saw the relief on her face when I came to pick her up that first day. And she seemed to understand from then on that I would always come and get her and Eli. She now looks forward to going to see Miss Lynn and enjoys her time there. She has lots of hugs and kisses for me when I come to pick her up and jumps into our van eager to go home.

She is incredibly loving and affectionate. She tells me she loves me probably 20 times a day and I can't get enough of it. You can see in her face that it is truly from her heart. She gives hugs and kisses too. We haven't had any issues with her showing affection to strangers or people she doesn't know well. She seems to understand clearly who her family is.

She is very smart, I mean very smart. Her little mind absorbs everything. Before we brought her home, I had decided that I would probably keep her back a year behind Eli for preschool and kindergarten. Now, I believe she is ahead of him on many levels and that I would be doing her a disservice by not letting her go. I have decided with quite a bit of input from people around us to enroll Sophia in preschool with Eli this fall. They will be in separate classes. If she has trouble, I will take her out and wait until January, but I believe she will thrive. She is exceeding every expectation I had. Truly, she is gifted.

Sophia is still sleeping in the toddler bed next to ours in our room. I don't see this changing anytime soon. I think she will be with us for at least a year, maybe longer. I just know that this is her vulnerable area. She is happy and filled with confidence all day long, but when bedtime comes, there is great anxiety if she isn't near me. I don't know what exactly causes this change. She becomes afraid and helpless. So, I stay with her until she falls soundly asleep every night. She sleeps well and we have no night terrors. But I have to be with her for her to fall asleep.

I feel blessed. So amazingly blessed. I love being close to her. I love watching her become closer and closer to me. She believes in me and she trusts me and that feels so amazing. She was so afraid when she came to us. I strive to memorize everything about her. I now can recognize her a mile away like I can Eli. I know her walk and how she bobs her head back and forth when she runs. I find her exquisitely beautiful. I don't know how anyone could have ever given her up.

Today is her birthday and I have been thinking about her birth mother. She kept her for nine months. I wish I knew her story. I imagine that it was excruciating to leave Sophia behind at the hospital. I have heard that in China you have to pay up front for medical care and that heart surgery would cost 5 years average wages. It pains me to think she had to leave her daughter because she could not pay for the surgery needed to save her life. I wish I knew what happened.

And I truly wish I could reach halfway across the earth and bring her some comfort today. I wish I could tell her that Sophia is loved and growing and healed. I am certain that today she thought about the child she gave birth to and loved for nine months and had to leave. I want her to know that she is ok and that somewhere in the world, her birthday was celebrated. And somewhere in the world, a woman thought about her and whispered on the wind words she hopes will bring some peace.

Happy Birthday Sophia Jane!

2009-08-23T21:27:00.009-04:00

My kids

Grandpa Larry and Bob (Poopy)

Sophia and my Dad

Z. and Dan (Tyler & Eli's Godfather)

Sophia didn't know what to do with her presents at first, but she figured things out really quickly!

I'll have to get Tim to work on the red-eye, but I like this picture of me and Sophia.

The icing on the cake was supposed to look like real water....well, it acted like real water too and moved the letters around. Our 'morphed' Little Mermaid Cake.

Sophia and close buddy Katie.

Sophia and Daddy.

Sophia and Tyler.

Sophia and Zach.

Zach trying to free the Barbie from all of the plastic bands holding it to the package. Crazy how well those things are secured!

Birthday Girl with her Disney Princess Dolls. She loves the Princesses!

Sophia and Grandpa Gary. Yeye

Sophia and Great Grandpa Foster.

Preparing for a Party...

2009-08-21T09:31:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is Sophia's 4th Birthday Party. We are celebrating with family and friends.

I am finding myself very emotional. Just thinking about it makes me cry. Most likely my daughter has never had a birthday celebrated. I don't even know how much she really understands about what a birthday is.

Tim's birthday was a couple of weeks ago and last weekend we went to Sophia B.'s party, so I am hoping she will understand what it means. I ask her how old she is and she holds up 3 fingers and then I ask her how old she will be on her birthday and she holds up 4 fingers.
She loves The Little Mermaid. My father got her the movie in Mandarin and she watches it and also watches the English version. So, we're going to have a Little Mermaid cake. She also loves the Disney Princesses and Tinkerbell, so I had a fabulous time buying her gifts in the Princess section of Toys R Us. I got her some Ni Hao Kai Lan things too, she loves that series.

It is raining today, so I hope we have good weather over the weekend!

Big Brother...Little Sister

2009-08-18T20:40:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Sophia B!

2009-08-16T15:12:00.005-04:00

Yesterday we spent the day with the tribe at 'Never Too Many'. We celebrated their Sophia's 5th birthday. We had a fabulous day. We went boating, swimming and fishing. We had a great dinner and cake. It is so nice to have friends who understand the journey you are on and whose lives mesh effortlessly with yours. We are very blessed to be able to share so much time with this family. Happy Birthday Sophia, we were so happy to be there to share it with you!

Sunday...

2009-08-16T15:09:00.001-04:00

Photos for Kim and her Very Special Mom...

2009-08-13T21:00:00.004-04:00

Kim's mother made Sophia the beautiful blanket in these photos. It is very special to us. Kim told me that her Mom likes to have pictures of the little ones who she makes blankets for with her blanket. So, here is our photo shoot dedicated with love to Kim's Mom.

Wild Olive

2009-08-05T17:42:00.004-04:00

Visit Wild Olive Tees to see their new line of children's t-shirts designed to help Love Without Boundaries.

Boating with Grandpa...

2009-08-05T12:53:00.003-04:00

Grandpa is here visiting and getting to know Sophia. Today Zach took us out for a ride on the boat. It is just gorgeous outside! Sophia really enjoys the boat and usually will fall asleep when we're out on the lake.
The last photo is what we now call the 'Phia Face'. About 4 days ago she started making this face. She scrunches her whole face up and leans forward at you. I think it's her sassafrass look.

Sophia Jane Boutique August Hair Bow of the Month!

2009-08-01T20:04:00.004-04:00

This collection is Summer Fun!
To view it CLICK HERE

In the Garden with Colleen's Outfit...

2009-07-28T20:18:00.005-04:00

Sophia wore the outfit that Colleen/The Nut House made for her to church last Sunday. I took some photos of her in my garden. I tell you, ladies at church just kept coming up to me telling me how beautiful she is and how much they loved her outfit. Having a girl is a lot of fun, especially when your girlfriends sent such wonderful things for her to wear!

Tutu

2009-07-27T21:25:00.004-04:00

Sophia LOVES her tutu. She actually has two. She can be found twirling and twirling in them. She wears them over any outfit. She wears them in the house and out about town. Thank goodness I can fit all of the poof into her carseat!

Meeting Great Grandma & Great Grandpa

2009-07-25T21:33:00.008-04:00

Last weekend we visited with Great Grandma and Great Grandpa and Sophia was able to meet them for the first time. They are absolutely the sweetest people in the world and they showered her with love and attention. I absolutely love these photos. They were playing catch with a little stuffed sheep and Sophia, Eli and Grandpa threw it back and forth over and over.

Thank you so much for all of the compliments on her dress. I love it too. It was a gift from Doris at '3 D's'.

I Believe We Have Found Our Sleep Solution...

2009-07-24T22:36:00.004-04:00

First I would like to say thank you to everyone who responded. It was a great help to us and gave us a lot of good things to try.
This seems to be the solution that works for us: I had Tim go into the attic and bring down our toddler bed. He had to re-assemble it, so Sophia watched him work on it. I told her that it was her bed and I saw that she was concerned and her eyes watered up a bit. I told her to come with me.
I took her upstairs to my room and I pointed to my bed and I said "Momma's bed". Then I pointed to the floor by my bed and said "Sophia's bed". I said this three times and I knew she understood what I was saying to her.
When we went back downstairs, she pointed to her bed and then pointed upstairs and I said "Yes, Sophia's bed upstairs with Momma's bed", and she smiled.
We took the bed upstairs and put it by our bed. She climbed right in. I did some e-mail work and read some blogs for a while and she was sound asleep in 30 minutes. Tonight is our 3rd night of her successfully going to sleep.
She does not have night terrors, she sleeps very peacefully, it was just finding a way for her to get to sleep that she was comfortable with and I think we have found it.
I'll keep you posted if we have any future hiccups.

Isn't She Beautiful When She's Sleeping??....The Key Word is 'When'. We Are Having Sleep Issues. I would appreciate anyone's advice and experiences.

2009-07-22T09:29:00.005-04:00

I would really appreciate anyone willing to share their experiences with me about how they dealt with sleeping issues when their child first came home.

I slept with Sophia the whole time we were in China. Our hotel rooms came with two twin or single beds. My husband is 6'3" and over 200 pounds and we were not fitting into those beds together, so I slept with Sophia and Tim slept with Eli.

The first night we were home we tried to put Sophia on the bottom bunk with Eli on the top. Let's just say that the tantrum she threw shook the house. We don't have a child who cries quietly, we have the temper tantrum queen. So, she started sleeping in our bed but wouldn't go to sleep there without us.

Eli was in a fit because his sister got to sleep with us and he didn't, so we tried to keep things fair for him. We ended up with both kids having to fall asleep in kido sleeping bags in the quieter part of the living room, then transporting them upstairs to bed when we are ready to go to bed.
Well, this has the whole house at a standstill while they fall asleep in the living room and they have been staying up way too late.

So, for the past 2 nights we moved the sleeping bags up to their bedroom together. Well, Sophia throws a fit and will not fall asleep with Eli in their room, only the living room. And let me tell you...fit is an understatement. She is definitely my daughter. We say she is 'Chirish' (Chinese and Irish) because she sure has an Irish woman's temper. I don't get it. She loves to play in her bedroom, she shows no fear of it and goes up there freely to play dress up and with her kitchen. But when bedtime comes around, the room freaks her out. I keep it lit up with two nightlights and Eli is with her just like downstairs, but it doesn't matter.

Now, I've had people tell me to put a toddler bed in our room which I can do, but what do I do with her until I am ready to sleep? She won't fall asleep without me and I can't go to bed at 8pm every night. I have people tell me to let her cry it out....she doesn't cry it out, she becomes wild crazy hysterical, screaming like a banchee and stamping feet. I can't keep letting her fall asleep in the living room. We have two teenage sons who have to freeze for hours every night until she falls asleep and she fights it until 11pm sometimes. They need to be able to enjoy their evenings and when school starts they will need to do their homework and be with us. If I hold her until she falls asleep, she has an internal alarm that sounds off the second I put her down.

Her attachment to us seems to be going really well. We have wonderful days together filled with hugs and kisses and smiles. I am her center point and she comes to me for love and support throughout the day when she needs it, but she is not clingy. She is quite independent. Our extended family is the most loving group of people and love her to pieces. I couldn't ask for a better transition to our family during the daytime. But at night I have a completely different child.

I go back to work August 6th, so I would like to have something workable in place so we all have enough sleep at night to stay awake during the day. Eli is becoming as unregulated as she is because we've been trying to keep them together (they are 9 months apart and notice any discrepancy in treatment and rules). So...I now have two preschoolers who are up off and on all night and Tim and I are becoming zombies.

Please help!

Zach is on a Mission Trip in Alaska...

2009-07-21T07:14:00.003-04:00

Please pray for Zachary. He left last Saturday for Alaska on a church mission trip. He texted us yesterday and said that he spent 6 hours splitting wood. I hope that he is able to serve others in a way that will help to build his faith and make him feel good about himself and the fact that he is there.

Alert and a Petition for Canadian Waiting Families

2009-07-18T21:19:00.004-04:00

I received an e-mail from my good friend Rhonda about a tragic situation that happened to a couple that she knows. Evidently their adoption agency went bankrupt and left them possibly with nothing, no hope for refunding their money or providing a referral.

I know that in the US, you can migrate to another agency. You may have to re-pay some fees and get a new homestudy, but you are not back at ground zero. It looks like in this case, this couple may have lost everything.

That is not right and should never happen to anyone. Please read the e-mail below and sign the petition. This needs to be stopped.

Below is Rhonda's e-mail. I'm sure she won't mind me putting it on here because she's cool about things like that.

I was wondering if you could do me a favour? Dear friends of ours were blindsided this week when their adoption agency went bankrupt. They have lost over $15K, but that's besides the point. They have lost the chance to adopt their child. They were roughly a month away from their referral for a child from Africa, and now with the bankruptcy, they don't know if the adoption can or will continue.

I was wondering if you could post something on your blog. Since you have a rather large readership, I was hoping you could post a link to the petition site.

http://www.ipetitions.com/petition/SaveOurDreamofAdoptingInternatio/

Let me know, thanks!

--
Rhonda
(littlemaple.blogspot.com)
LID-September 13/06

Playdate with the Tribe...

2009-07-17T21:17:00.006-04:00

Yesterday we had a wonderful time hanging out with the Beckering Tribe/Never Too Many. Their house is the perfect place for little people. There is so much to do and it was nice to get away for a bit and have some adult conversation.

This picture is my favorite take-away from the day. Steff's Sophia made this beautiful drawing which shows her and my Sophia together surrounded by hearts and flowers. She tried so hard to make my Sophia comfortable and shared all of her toys with her. Andrew thought it was so funny that there were two Sophia's.

I had to steal this shot of Steffie, she was playing shy hostess...yeah whatever. Bust out the smile girl!

I had taken Sophia to swim once before at the hotel pool in Beijing and she clung to me for dear life. Here is where she started...on the stairs. She stayed there for a good 45 minutes.

Here is where she ended up...which is absolutely amazing to me. She asked for the tube and then swam all around the pool for well over an hour. She was in heaven, not afraid at all.

I just love this little girl and her big heart.

The whole posse, we could start a preschool with all of these kids!

Learning to Fly...

2009-07-16T08:22:00.004-04:00

There is a model airplane club that meets on Wednesdays and Sundays in the summertime at a farm by our house. For the past couple of years, we have gone there with the kids to watch the planes. My father was up a couple of summers ago and went with us. That year for Christmas, my Dad gave our family this model airplane. Last night we took the plane to the farm and Tyler got his first flying lesson.

How Do I Feel?

2009-07-13T21:34:00.009-04:00

I have had a lot of people ask me about how I feel and how does it feel to adopt and how does it feel to adopt verses to have a bio child. I am sure that everyone's experiences are different, but I will tell you mine.

When I was pregnant with my sons, I knew a child was on the way. I had 9 months to prepare myself, but it was always a surprise when I saw their faces for the first time. There was a sense of anticipation with each one and a voice inside each time that said, "Well, there you are are and this is what you look like." I loved them because they were mine. They grew in my body and they were my babies. I cared for them instinctively and I grew to love them more and more each day as I gazed into their eyes and cared for them and watched them grow.

I wondered how I would feel when they put Sophia in my arms. I wondered if it would feel the same. I view her as the child of my soul. My daughter in every way, except God chose for her to be born in China.

It was very emotional for me when I saw the nanny carrying her down the sidewalk towards us in the guard shack. I had to hold back my tears because I didn't want to scare her anymore than she would be already. I kept thinking of Eli and how terrified he would be if I gave him to a Chinese family and left. I kept thinking of my little boy and what this would do to him if the tables were turned. I knew that day would impact her forever and the weight of what was about to happen weighed heavy on me.
It was truly gutwrenching when they placed Sophia in my arms. She is a smart girl and she had a pretty good idea of what was happening. She screamed to go back and tried everything to get away from me. It completely broke my heart.

There was also this underlying sadness. Here was this beautiful little girl with no one in the world. How could no one come forward for her? No Aunts or Uncles, no Grandparents. This little child all alone. It is a life changing experience to hold an orphan in your arms and look them in the face. To see a child truly alone. I claimed her then and there. With my heart and my soul I claimed her and I took her as my daughter and the voice inside of me said "Well, there you are and this is what you look like." And I knew that she was mine and that she would never be alone again.

I loved her then because I made the decision to love her and I am falling in love more and more each day as I gaze into her eyes and care for her.

I have been asked if I wonder sometimes if I did the right thing. I really don't. With each of my children, there was always a time (usually gazing at them through the plastic tub in my hospital room) when I felt a little overwhelmed and thought..wow, here we go, it's you and me kid.
I know Sophia is meant to be here with us and more than anything I wonder about how to be the best mother I can to her. I wonder about the right things to do. I wonder about what I need to do differently with her to meet the special needs she is going to have. Right now I want to do everything right so that she knows she is loved and she is not alone and she will never be left again.

My daughter has scars, scars on her body from 2nd degree burns and open heart surgery, scars on her heart from being abandoned over and over. I know that some people wonder why we chose her. But she is my girl and I could not love her more. I claim every hair on her head and every tear and every scar. I will live my life trying to heal them and not add more. She is a child filled with joy and laughter and smiles. Somehow she has found the strength to find the happiness of childhood despite her circumstances so I need to at least be as strong as she is and be the mother she needs me to be. And that is how I'm feeling right now.

Sunday...

2009-07-12T16:10:00.002-04:00

Summer Fun Working on Gross Motor Skills & A Medical Update

2009-07-11T11:48:00.004-04:00

I love these moments when these two love being brother and sister. Trust me, they are balanced out with moments of fighting over toys and invading each others personal space by poking, splashing in the bathtub and hugs that turn into boa constrictor squeezing.

I am really working on getting us outside as much as possible. Sophia has amazing fine motor skills, but is way behind Elijah's abilities with gross motor. She goes very slowly down stairs, she takes them one at a time..making sure that two feet are on each step before moving on to the next. She doesn't have a lot of muscle tone in her bottom and legs. So we are working on outside play to improve this.
The slip and slide is a huge hit. She doesn't slide down it, but she splashed in the water and runs around in it.

I am taking them to the park. The one nearest our home has a big wooden play structure with all sorts of activities. Eli leaves Sophia behind on this because she is so slow, but I am hoping that by the end of the summer she will be climbing around and moving at his speed.

You all know that we love to fish out here at the lake and Sophia loves it too. She has a little Barbie pole that she can cast out (Tyler taught her how to cast) and she reals in the rubber butterly tied to the end of her string. She loves it and repeats it over and over.

We went to visit our pediatrician this week and everything looks good. He said that she still has a slight murmur in her heart but that it is normal and he thinks her surgery was successful. He said no one can repair a heart to the perfect condition God makes them in. Her TB test came back negative and her urine test came back clean. I am working on collecting 3 separate stool samples to check for parasites (not a lot of fun). And I have to take her to have her blood drawn to be tested for pretty much everything. My pediatrician wants her immunizations re-done. He said there is a type of ramp up schedule for children who start their shots at a later age. I hate having her poked while I am trying to build up her trust in me, but I have no choice. I still need to get her into our cardiologist. Then we will know for certain that her heart repair was good and we can move on with her childhood.

Happy 17th Birthday to my son Zachary...

2009-07-09T22:04:00.006-04:00

I love you Zach. Happy Birthday. You are still and always will be... my sunshine.

First Post Since China...

2009-07-07T13:02:00.005-04:00

These are our red couch photos taken at the White Swan Hotel. We were in such wonderful company on this trip. The families with us were truly inspiring. It seems like we have been on the run since they were taken. Our trip home went well for us, but we all are just exhausted. Tim, Eli and I caught some type of flu in Guandzhou. Thank goodness for Z Packs. Eli and I recovered pretty quickly, but Tim did not.
We are struggling to get back onto some type of a normal schedule. Last night was the first night everyone got to bed at a normal US time and woke up at a normal US time. Sophia will not sleep in her bed. She will nap on the living room couch, but will only sleep if I am with her at night. So, this throws Eli off too because he needs things to be fair between him and Sophia. So, he is now napping on the living room couch and refusing to sleep alone.
I cannot complain though. Sophia acts like she has always been with during the day. We are not having any issues with her as of yet. She eats normally and is very outgoing and affectionate. We haven't seen her seeking out anyone else for love or comfort in an unhealthy way, she seems to understand that we are her parents and is happy with us.
She and Eli and definitely quite a pair, enjoying the love and frustrations of being siblings. Zach and Tyler absolutely adore her. She is surrounded by love.
I will blog as I can. Today is the first day that I feel almost like myself again.

The Journey of My Life

2009-06-12T14:10:00.005-04:00

I have decided to re-design the auction blog into a travel blog. I just love the style and Daleea was so wonderful and tweaked the header for me a bit. The blog is the same site, so you can hit your auction link and go straight there.

Please join us, I will not be blogging on the Seventh Diamond again until after we return from China.

click here: The Journey of My Life

My Princess...

2009-06-10T07:29:00.002-04:00

I am very emotional right now. Anyone out there have this? I just think about my girl all of the time and what this experience is going to bring to her. I know how happy we will be and how terrified she most likely will be. I think about the past 3 years and all we have gone through, that is really just overwhelming. I am in a sort of auto mode. I am picking up the Z-Pack prescriptions and buying our gifts to bring and making sure we have enough things to keep the kids busy on the plane. But every once in a while I just look at her and have a good cry. After all of this time, my girl is coming home.

Our SW called yesterday to tell us that our gotcha day has been delayed. China wants us in country for a couple of days to make sure we don't have swine flu before they give Sophia to us. We were told the adoption is not being delayed, just that we will receive her a few days later than was originally planned. I hope that they get past this before we get there, but we will do what we need to do.

I like this photo because it shows what I believe is her bedroom and she has cute pink sheets and a little vanity by her bed. I am hoping she is happy where she is and that she will be happy here too.

Sunday...

2009-06-07T07:58:00.002-04:00

It's All Coming Together...

2009-06-05T21:15:00.003-04:00

We are finally to the point where everything has come together and I feel at peace. Don't get me wrong, I am still anxious and slightly freaked out. But the big pieces have fallen into place. This is going to happen. I will be leaving next Sunday to meet my daughter.

We have our visa's
We have our final travel itenerary
Everything has been arranged for us in Beijing and Guangzhou
We have our shots
We have the dog kennel notified that Cooper is coming
We have a ride to and from the airport
We have someone to check on the cat
Everything is set with our jobs

Still to do:

Find someone to water my flowers
Get a prescription for Tim and I for a Z-Pack
Get a prescription from our pediatrician for a children's antibiotic
Pack...I'm not a person for packing weeks in advance

Tutus, Ladybugs & Daisies

2009-06-02T20:33:00.004-04:00

Oh yes, all of my adoption anxiety has found an outlet and there are literally piles of hair bows stacking up in my dining room. Please head over to the boutique and order a bow. Just one little bow.... CLICK HERE

Saturday with the Tribe

2009-06-01T07:36:00.007-04:00

I think it's impossible to get 4 children to look at you and smile at the same time :)

The Secret Upstairs Playroom

Boat ride!

Swimming in the Pool

We spent this Saturday with Steffie B. (Never Too Many) and her family. We had a wonderful time. The kids played non-stop. We went for a boat ride and toured their lake. Then the kids went swimming in the pool. We ate dinner outside in the sunshine. I think the pictures tell it all.

Please Pray! My Dad is having some items auctions tomorrow to raise funds for us.

2009-05-29T20:46:00.003-04:00

Please pray for us today and tomorrow. My father is auctioning off some items tomorrow (Saturday) to raise money for our trip to China.
Thank you Dad. We wouldn't be able to do this without your help. I appreciate you more than you know.

How's It Going?

2009-05-28T21:46:00.004-04:00

I'm hanging in there. I'm waiting for our Visa's to return. Tim went today and made arrangements for our 'new cash' for the orphanage donation. Our travel back and forth to China has been confirmed, but we are still waiting for our agency to confirm in country travel. I am asking everyone I know about what we should eat and what we should do. I am hearing rumors that the Civil Affairs office is shut down in Beijing and we won't be able to complete our adoption. Our agency says we are all set up and fine. We are traveling ALONE...no travel group. I went to Target yesterday and bought a My Little Pet Shop play set and a Disney Princesses miniature play set for Sophia for the plane rides. Eli has pirate finger puppets waiting for him. Then I also have a lot of books and coloring books for both of them. Tim is going to put over 20 kid movies on his ipod for the kids to watch while traveling. I am bringing my big Jeep stroller. Eli cannot fit in an umbrella stroller (he's a big kid) but he and Sophia can both fit in the Jeep stroller...so too big or not...that's what I'm bringing. Tomorrow I am going through Sophia's closet to determine what outfits I am going to bring. THANK YOU to all of you for the wonderful things you have sent, I am going to try to clothe her exclusively in your gifts while we are in China.
I have purchased hand sanitizer, hand wipes and flushable wipes. I met with the pediatrician and have a good medical plan. We still have to meet with our Social Worker to make sure all of our paperwork is done correctly. THOSE ARE ALL OF THE THINGS SWIMMING IN MY HEAD RIGHT NOW :) Did I forget anything????

Thank you for lunch today Steffie. I needed to purge my brain. Now tell me again how you are going to be there for me while I'm in China and you are in Maui....you won't forget me right???

New Blog

2009-05-25T16:31:00.007-04:00

Please come over and take a peek at my new bow blog. I think Verna and Becky did a wonderful job with it. Check out Busy Mama Blog Designs to see their work.

If you add my sidebar link to your blog, please leave a comment and let me know. I will be doing a drawing and the winner will receive a free membership to the Hair Bow of the Month Club and will receive 13 free hair bows!

If you purchase a bow and are a regular reader of this blog, let me know and I will send you a second bow of your choice for free. I'm not putting it on the bow blog, but I am happy to do it for my friends.

All prices include postage.

Thank you so much!

Click here: Sophia Jane Boutique

Memorial Day

2009-05-25T10:15:00.003-04:00

Memorial Day Weekend

2009-05-22T23:02:00.002-04:00

It's a Whirlwind Around Here!

2009-05-21T09:02:00.003-04:00

All I can think about is Sophia. I tell you, I am just going in so many different directions. I sent away for our Visa's yesterday. That was nervewracking...to let our passports go out in the mail has me VERY nervous, even though I'm having them tracked. Our flight arrangements were confirmed yesterday. I am starting to freak out a little about how China is quarantining people who are on flights with people who have a fever and are suspected of having the pig flu. That is my worst nightmare right now. I am also hearing that civil affairs in Beijing is closed. I have asked my agency twice now to confirm that they know for a fact that we will be able to complete our adoption. I can just see us waiting for weeks in China for civil affairs to re-open. You know how you wake up in the middle of the night and all of the crazy things that could happen (but never really do) keep you up all night? Yeah, that was me last night.

I talked to Steffie about the gifts I should bring, so I feel pretty good about that. I met with our pediatrician and that went well. I have to get a letter from our agency for work, confirming that we are indeed adopting and I qualify for FMLA.

But I think tonight I might go through Sophia's closet and pick out some of the things I want to bring. I'll do a post so you all can see your wonderful gifts to us that are heading to China!

TA!! We leave June 15th for Beijing to bring Sophia home.

2009-05-18T13:23:00.002-04:00

I don't even know what to say. I am completely numb. I just can't believe it. My baby girl. After all of this time. After all of the tears and the frustration. On June 16th, I will kneel down in front of her and look into her eyes for the first time. There it is...my due date, June 16th.

I cannot begin to express what I am feeling.

Sunday...

2009-05-17T08:25:00.000-04:00

This Weekend...

2009-05-16T09:30:00.006-04:00

This weekend I was hoping to get our boat in and cleaned up. But it's rainy today so far. I also have some flowers that still need to be planted. Hopefully it will clear up and be fabulous!

I have also formed a little addiction to making hair bows. I have a whole work station set up for them and every day I am coming up with new styles. I think I will have a bow blog made to sell them. I'm having a lot of fun with it.

On the Edge of a Miracle...

2009-05-14T07:27:00.003-04:00

People are asking me how I'm doing with this waiting, I'll give you an update. I am doing fine. I wish that there wasn't this pig flu scare, but I know that something amazing is about to happen. I am filled with the awe that I know Sophia will bring. I live in a home filled with guys whose hearts are filled with love for a little girl they have never met. We talk about her every day. Her toys are everywhere, her clothes fill a closet. Eli pushes her stroller around with 3 babies in it and has Cinderella and the prince in a Volkswagen Barbie car spinning through the kitchen.

I know my daughter is alive and that she is beautiful and doing well. I know she knows that we are coming and has seen photos of us and has heard the words of our hearts in the letter we sent to her. I feel exactly like I did when I was 9 months pregnant with the boys. I knew a miracle was coming and I couldn't wait!

I am selling my bows on the auction

2009-05-12T18:53:00.002-04:00

I have become a little 'obsessed' with bow making. I love it. I have been spending a lot of time wandering through the bow section of fabric stores. My glue gun is getting a lot of action. I am working now to come up with some new fun designs.

I am selling some of the bows at the auction for $5.00, so hit the link on my sidebar and take a look :)

Zach and Makala Prom Photos

2009-05-11T06:25:00.004-04:00

Motherless On Mother's Day...

2009-05-09T21:06:00.005-04:00

This year is the first year that I have no one to buy a card for on Mother's Day. The first year that I stand alone as the oldest woman and female leader of my family. With the death of my Grandmother came the death of my support group as a woman. The core that was my family source of strength. My Mother is gone, my Grandmother is gone. And there is no one else now. It's just me.
It really hit me about three weeks ago. I found a lump (not the good kind). For four days I was terrified because the not good type of lumps run in my family. I thought I may not live to see my children grow, I feared it would be the end of my adoption and how could this happen to me now when I had Sophia's referral and my children still needed me. It was an awful four days and I had no one to call. Even when I found out everything was ok, I had no one to call.
I miss my Mom. Despite her shortcomings. I wish she was here to love me. I wish she was here to love my children.
And I miss my Grandmother who held everything together and brought out the best in everyone. When she left, the good went with her and all that was left were dishes that I wasn't allowed to have. Eli is still crying for you Grandma and wondering where you are and asked today if we saw Jesus come to take you to heaven. I have so much to do. And I know I can do it, I just wish you were here to talk to.

I have known much loss in my life, but I have been blessed as a mother. Blessed with three sons who I live for. Three angels who I was chosen to mother, and I am so grateful. Tonight I saw my oldest son in a tux taking his favorite girl to prom. I cannot tell you how beautiful he is to me. Tyler is at the store buying the food he is going to make for me for a special breakfast on Mother's Day. On the way home tonight Eli told me that he loves me and he wants to marry me and be a ninja with me. My heart is so full, I just can't even find words. And now I have been chosen again, one last tiny miracle for me....my daughter who I have waited for truly all my life. I do not deserve such blessings...Lord, help me be the mother I need to be so that they can reach the potential you have for them.